Maybe this Time
by ShyNobody
Summary: Maybe this Time is the story of Beca waiting for the right time but was too late and Chloe waiting for the sign that never came. What will happen if Chicago ask Chloe to marry him? Will Beca remain the successful best friend but too afraid of her own feelings? Or will Chloe be the girl that settles too tired of waiting? Only time will tell. (Follows PP3 Rated T to be safe).
1. Wrong Time Right Moment

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pitch Perfect.**

 ** **A/N: Just trying out this idea I have; still not sure where this story is going to go sooo… I'm open for suggestions. :)****

 **Apologies in advance for any error (not beta reviewed).**

* * *

Beca just finished performing her first solo-if anyone can really call it a solo- in south of France and under contract with DJ Khaled. Her dream is well and truly on its way of coming true and she couldn't be any happier; well… she could and she's actually on her way of making that.

She's ready.

Finally.

Amy would be so proud of her.

Because finally, she's ready to admit to Chloe how and what she really feels about her. What she really is in her life.

Chloe.

Her best friend.

But…

Also so much more.

Chloe is the reason why she has whatever she has in her life right now.

People say (most likely Chloe) that she is where she is, because of her talent. But Beca would beg to differ. Because, yeah, maybe she has the talent, but if anyone will truly look back to where it all started, well, they would agree that everything started with Chloe.

How?

Freshman College Beca, had no interest in getting an education or going to college at all. Everybody knew, she did that just so her father would get off her back and let her be. She wanted to produce music and she wanted to get her career in music industry started as soon as possible, but being underage, even with people saying you can do whatever you set your mind in to, regardless how adamant and strong-willed you are, a parent is a parent and they always have a say; and you as a child, will always have this nagging deep inside that you have to obey. It was kind of like parent's secret power.

Anyway, now, even if Beca will never say it, she was and still is secretly grateful for her father's meddling because if he hadn't, she wouldn't have had her Bellas. Chloe.

Okay, back to how it started with Chloe.

Sure, Beca's father forced her to go to college and sure it was her father that forced her to join any group club to see her trying to give college life a chance but she could easily have ended in any other club (or none at all) if it wasn't for Chloe barging in her shower (butt naked) demanding she sing with her or she won't leave her in peace to have her shower.

What would you do in that scenario, right? Someone, invading your shower stall (and personal space) while you're in your birthday suit and asked you to sing? Of course, you'll have to sing!

So, if that little… incident (we'll call it incident) didn't happen, she would never have considered auditioning for the Bella. If she didn't audition for the Barden Bella, she wouldn't have had these amazing group of girls that had been her support group through everything since then –her family. And the chain of events that led to tonight in south of France wouldn't have happened.

But Chloe's role in all of her successes didn't end there.

No.

It is important to note that not only did it all started with Chloe but also Chloe had been the demanding yet (thankfully) constant force that made sure she stays on her path to her dream and success –even if she didn't know it then.

How?

These were the chain of events that led to south of France.

Agreed that if Chloe didn't barged in her shower, she wouldn't consider joining the Bella. But, also, if Chloe didn't vouch for her –always defending her to Aubrey- she wouldn't have remained a Bella especially once her fight or flight attitude kicks in. Chloe had been the one willingly attempted to stand up for her when she and Aubrey had a head-to-head after the regionals. Chloe had been the one that texted her about the Bella meeting after they had been advised that they were given a chance to compete for the ICCA finals –even after she walked out on them after regionals. So, in hindsight, if Chloe didn't text her about the meeting, she wouldn't have found out and she wouldn't have had the chance to be part of the Bellas again. If that had been the case, she wouldn't have met Emily. If she didn't meet Legacy, then she wouldn't have had the chance to be recognized in Residual Heat as more than just an intern who took lunch and coffee orders. She also wouldn't have had the chance to produce Emily's _Flashlight_ and they wouldn't have had the chance to redeem the Bellas from the disaster they had that year. Chloe would've been devastated if that happened because, it was no secret that Chloe also was the glue that kept the Bella intact all through her years of college. Only god knows how she would've handled the Bellas as their captain if it wasn't for Chloe being her co-Captain; she loves the Bellas but they were a handful batch of females so… thank heavens for Chloe purposely failing her Russian Lit.

Anyway, so, if she hadn't been recognized in Residual Heat, then she wouldn't have gotten the job in New York. Now, sure she hated working for that recording company, sure that company made her hate producing music a little (only because the artist they made her work with were… let's just say they didn't deserve to be called an artist at all), but on a positive note, if it wasn't for that company, she wouldn't have had the experience whether it be good or bad experience; like, she did experience working with music executives because of that job and she did kind of saw how the business actually works because of that company.

Anyway, what was Chloe's part in this?

Chloe made moving to New York bearable.

Sure, she got Fat Amy, but the two of them wouldn't have survived without Chloe. And they know it.

One, because she wouldn't have been able to afford providing for the both of them (as Fat Amy didn't have an actual job that pays). Two, because Chloe kept her sane. Between the stress of her job and Fat Amy being Fat Amy, she would've lost it in New York.

Chloe was/is her rock. Chloe was her listening ears. Chloe's were the arms that held her when everything became too much; like when she and Jesse broke up. Chloe was the positive part of her day every day.

Chloe was everything that kept her in her path.

So, if Chloe hadn't moved to New York with her, herself and Fat Amy wouldn't have remembered about Legacy and the new Barden Bellas' performance in New York. If they didn't remember, they wouldn't have had the chance to be reunited with the other Bellas and the plan to join the tour to support USSO wouldn't have been made. Ergo, she wouldn't have met DJ Khaled and tonight would've been just another night for her, probably looking for a new job. Granted, she would still have Chloe but she would've been too busy and preoccupied looking for another job to even think about how she feels for her best friend –much less _tell_ her.

But anyway, it was a long road to success but it was worth it.

Especially if she could find Chloe already and tell her, finally, that she, Beca Mitchell is in love with her.

Thinking about it all, while looking for her best friend made her feel giddy, excited, nervous and everything else in between and question her sanity for never realizing till Amy pointed it out, how so much more she feels for Chloe Beale.

Fat Amy had been making jokes and had been teasing her for years. She even directly pointed it out to her; how Chloe was always more touchy-feely when it comes to her, how Chloe failed college three times just so she could be with her -she still wasn't sure about that one, because for all they know, Chloe just loves being a Bella, but that's beside the point- how Chloe didn't even hesitate to say yes when she asked her to move in to New York with her and most of all, how Chloe looks at her. Beca vehemently denied all of it, especially the touchy-feely one, because Chloe just has no regard for personal space and also because, c'mon, it was Fat Amy; Amy could very well be seeing things that she wanted to see. But even so, she however, couldn't deny how she, herself feels.

When Amy pointed it out, admittedly –only to herself- she started noticing things. Not the way Chloe interacts with her, but the way she _feels_ with how Chloe interacts with her, or how she feels around Chloe. How even when they were still in Barden, her most favorite part of the Bella house was not her shared attic room with Fat Amy, but Chloe's room. How she loved the smell of it, because it made her feel calm even when in the chaotic house of Bella; and it also smelled like Chloe too. So, if she has nowhere to be, she would be hanging in Chloe's room, even when the redhead was not there because Chloe's scent alone could bring her peace. And when they moved to New York, on a bad day at work, she couldn't wait to get home so she could climb the rooftop of their apartment and wait for Chloe so she could rant and then cry in her shoulder until she doesn't feel that bad anymore; how on a good day, she still couldn't wait to get home so she could tell Chloe all about it and received a hug from the red head.

Chloe's hugs are her favorite. She particularly love the ones they share every night before going to sleep. Ever since they moved and had to share a double bed, they somehow acquired a habit of cuddling each other as they talk about how their day went or just any random things they could talk about. She loves having those amongst the other hugs they share because, she found an overwhelming sense of tranquility in them. It's always so quiet in Chloe's arms that, somehow it became the only place where she could find a good night sleep. And now she doesn't like sleeping where the redhead isn't because she just know that she would have a sleepless night without Chloe beside her. Because it wouldn't feel like home.

Thinking about it, Beca had to smile more.

Home.

Every day, she couldn't wait to get to their shabby little studio type room apartment she called home, because Chloe would be there.

Chloe is her home.

It is really laughable when she thinks about it. How could've it taken her so long to realize that it has been Chloe all along? That it has always been Chloe.

And now she couldn't wait to tell Chloe, just that and more.

She couldn't wait to tell Chloe how much she loves her and then apologize for waiting till now to tell her. But she would of course explain that it all has to do with timing.

Because in New York, even when she relented and accepted and stopped denying to herself how much she loves her, she still didn't have the confidence she needed to voice it out. Maybe it was due to because, she didn't fully understood how it happened when all her life she never ever looked at another woman even though it was kind of understandable because it was Chloe; Chloe is everybody's ideal everything. Or it could be due to the fact that she didn't feel comfortable with where she was at in her life. She has dreams that she was yet to fulfil –not even sure then if she would ever achieve those dreams- and so at the back of her mind, she has nothing to offer Chloe.

She didn't have the confidence and therefore she deemed herself not ready or worthy of Chloe. And so, she waited for the right time, for everything to align so she could tell Chloe she loves her.

Before DJ Khaled, she was just Beca Mitchell, an aspiring, one-of-the-many wannabe music producer in New York City.

But now, she's at the start of fulfilling that dream and she wants to start that journey by telling Chloe. Tonight is 'the' time she waited so long for. When she sang for the first time as a solo artist, she knew she had to start her first performance with her Bellas and when the performance ended and she turned, the first arms she seek (and immediately found) was Chloe's and she knew then.

This is the time.

And she couldn't have asked for a better timing.

She's about to start a new chapter and what better way to start it with than to start again with Chloe.

Now, if she could just find her favorite person already.

Beca, after asking the Bellas if they had seen Chloe and been pointed to where they last saw the ginger, she swore she never in her life walked faster but it was worth it, because she caught glimpse of Chloe's red hair, and she walked even faster and with purpose only to slow down once close to Chloe.

She found Chloe, alright.

She found her in Captain Chicago Walp's arms, lips locked in a passionate kiss; a kiss she imagined they would have once she finds her.

Maybe.

If she had found her earlier.

Maybe.

If she didn't find her too late.

Luckily for her –she guessed- that Theo was there. Sure she didn't like that he tried to kiss her even after knowing that they will be now working together and she would be his superior, but she was thankful anyway because she had the reason to get away from the scene in front of her.

If anyone saw her walking away, she could easily lie and say she and Theo had some things to discuss with regards to her contract or career or whatever… it doesn't matter, just that at least she would have a reason ready, other than the truth that… she was too late.

Sighing, Beca found herself at the bar –thank heavens the place has an open bar- ordering another drink.

Tonight should've been the best night of her life. She was sure of that at the start of the evening. She was sure that her long road to tonight was worth it and she wouldn't have it any other way –except maybe just without Fat Amy's father kidnapping the Bellas and putting all their lives in danger.

Downing another shot, she shook her head in disgust of the burning feeling in her throat that she welcomed nonetheless. Then she laughed humorlessly at how wrong she had been. Her long road to achieving her dreams started tonight, but in exchange it took Chloe away.

Tonight she watched her best friend –the woman she loves- in the arms of another, and now she wonders… is it not their time yet? Was her timing wrong? Or was it the case of being too late?

She waited till she could have something to offer Chloe and now that she does have something, Chloe was no longer there.

So really, what's the point?

* * *

In the south of France, in one of the private ladies comfort rooms, Chloe found herself alone and once again staring at herself in the mirror.

The Bellas had just had their not only impromptu –thanks to one Beca Mitchell- performance but would also probably the last; so it wasn't a surprise that all the girls were a bit emotional. After tonight, they will all go back to their separate lives –the lives that they made for themselves or for most, making for themselves. And although Chloe wanted to be with them, surrounded by the comfort of her friends' (family's) supportive arms, she knew, she also needed this quiet time alone, for herself.

The day before they were kidnapped by Amy's father and much earlier today, they were rescued but not before they were faced with danger that could've easily cost their lives; and it was during that time that Chloe proved what other people say to be true because it happened to her –her life flashes before her eyes when she jumped off of Fat Amy's father's yachts and into cold Mediterranean Sea. And it was silly or perhaps sad, but when her life flashes before her, it was of only those of with regret.

There were very few in her life that she has regrets with, and maybe it was why when she had a flashback of her life, the flashback only featured one pair or dark blue eyes belonging to her best friend –Beca Mitchell. Because sadly, as much joy as Beca brought in her life, she also and would always be Chloe's biggest regret.

The regret of never being able to tell Beca how much she loves her more than she should and allowed.

The moment she jumped off the yacht and there was explosion behind her, her mind was immediately transported back to Beca's freshman year in college during the activity fair where Chloe first saw her.

Chloe never believed in love at first sight; sure she was and maybe still is a hopeless romantic but she was never a believer of love at first sight. Lust at first sight, she knew to be possible but not love. Love develops, rooted from an emotional level of intimacy rather than just physically. But this was before Beca Mitchell came to Barden and in her life.

She saw this tiny alt girl wandering around the Activities Fair and immediately she caught Chloe's attention. She didn't think much of it then other than she found this freshman mysterious and therefore intriguing. She remembered it well, how Beca turned them down and how disappointed she felt when Beca did so. For some reason, she felt like she had lost the chance of getting to know the mysterious freshman more.

But the universe had plans for the both of them, because she found the tiny brunette again in the most unexpected place and in the most unexpected way.

The shower room.

When she heard the melodic singing voice, she had no choice but to follow the sound where it was coming from. It was like her ears had been hypnotized and her feet grew a mind of its own. She was thankful nonetheless because the voice belonged to none other than the mysterious alt girl from activities fair; and there she found Beca again –and finding the brunette naked was also not something she was gonna complain about either. Because really, anyone with eyes would see that the tiny brunette is pretty if not beautiful –and apparently sexy as well if her naked figure was to note down. But mainly, it was Beca's voice that captured her. When Beca relented and sang, she couldn't help but join her and oh what a melody they created. No harmonization needed, they sounded wonderful together.

It was the start and she should've realized it then.

She should've realized that when she first saw Beca Mitchell, she was suddenly on the edge of the cliff, hanging, and when she heard her sing for the first time and saw her the second, she fell.

Cliché, even Chloe would say so herself. But she could only describe what happened as that.

Of course, she didn't realize what was happening to her then, just that she found herself drawn to Beca. At the beginning she passed it as that, she just knew they would be really fast friends and they did become fast friends. She was not known for respecting personal space, but she still has boundaries –sometimes; but with Beca, she just couldn't help herself. She wanted to always be close to her, always touching her if she could get away with it –surprisingly enough, Beca lets her do-, and always talking to her and just… always be with her. It was pathetic how much she wanted to be close to Beca. Pathetic enough that she purposely failed her Russian Lit. 3 times just so she could stay at Barden and be with her feisty DJ best friend.

She didn't really plan on being pathetic, of course. Once she realized she was in love with Beca Mitchell, she actually device a plan on how to tell her and when. Everything was perfect in her head. After the ICCA Championship in New York whether they win or lose, she would tell the tiny DJ how she feels about her. But, she guessed time wasn't with her, because as soon as the turned to face Beca, she found her gone and to Jesse, having their movie worthy ending or maybe it was their beginning.

It was Chloe's first attempt and first failure.

But regardless, she found it in herself to be happy. Beca's happy and isn't it what friends and more so best friends do? Be happy for their best friend when they find love? So, Chloe found peace with the idea of Beca dating Jesse. Jesse is a nice boy and treats Beca well. It hurts, but, she could live with it. What she couldn't live with was when it downed on her that she will be graduating. At first, she thought of it as a welcome escape. It was painful seeing Beca and being close to her but not close enough, not enough to know her the way she wanted to; but when faced by the reality of leaving the Bellas, leaving Barden, leaving Beca not knowing if she'd see her again as often as she would like, she chose to fail and not graduate.

She didn't really know what she wanted to do with her life then, anyway. But she knew what she wanted –even if she couldn't have them… her. And so she stayed, knowing at least she wouldn't have to ask 'what if'.

She stayed even though it was hard. She told herself, she will only stay for 1 year. She told herself that she couldn't just leave and that she has to do it gradually… slowly, but surely. She thought, maybe bit by bit, she would slowly learn to let her feelings for Beca go, seeing every day that it was one sided.

She was wrong though. After the first year of her repeat senior was up and she had that choice –again- to graduate or stay, she chose to stay.

She wasn't ready.

She wasn't ready to leave Beca and move on. Sure, Beca was –at the time- still with Jesse and seemingly happy with their relationship, but so was she with their friendship. It was only friendship she could have with the tiny DJ, but it was enough to make her stay. It was hard but she lives for the moments like getting to see Beca every day; the brunette was a constant feature in her room, whether they were studying together or her just listening to Beca's new mixes while the brunette makes a new one. She lives for every day, without a miss, when Beca wasn't working (and didn't have a date with Jesse) then she would be in Chloe's room. Every day, Chloe would have the opportunity to admire the brunette freely without the chance of the other Bellas catching her. Beca –for Chloe- is at her most beautiful when she's oblivious-to-the-world focus on making her music, even with her eyebrow crease from concentration, and she get to see that. And sometimes, when she couldn't help herself, she would sit next to Beca close enough to rest her head against the brunette's shoulder. And those sometimes that she does that, Beca would move her arm so she could snuggle in closer and said arm would be wrap around her shoulder. And sometimes, she would fall asleep and would wake up the next day still in Beca's arms.

So, Yes. It was hard seeing Beca every day, looking at her with so much affection only for the tiny DJ to look pass her; it was hard… because, wasn't it always, when your love is unrequited? It's like reaching for the stars, you know you'll never reach it, but you still try anyway. But, she lives for those little moments she has with Beca, and she wasn't ready to let go of that just yet.

And so, when it was time for her to graduate –again- she chose to stay.

And she stayed 'till it was both hers and Beca's senior year.

Chloe deemed it was where she got it wrong.

Her mistake.

She stayed.

She had every intention of moving on from her unrequited feelings for Beca, but she just couldn't find it in herself to turn around and leave. So she stayed. She excused her actions as, just like an addict, she had to let go slowly, gradually. But, instead of letting go, the found herself holding on instead. Holding on to those little moments she get to have with Beca. Instead of moving on, she found herself falling deeper and deeper in what seemed like a bottomless pit. And when she realized… it was too late; she just couldn't let go anymore.

It was scary but she brought it upon herself, when she wouldn't let go. When she wouldn't turn around when she had the chance. But she accepted the mistake she made and she just anticipated the day when she would bid Beca goodbye.

She thought it would be when they all graduate. The graduation being the abrupt stop. The end of her time with Beca. Beca was already setting up for her future and it was a future that she could not be a part of. She envied Jesse in that regard because, well… being the boyfriend automatically earned him a spot in the tiny DJ's future, not to mention that Jesse got accepted in UCLA to study film and Beca always wanted to go to LA.

But the universe wasn't done with whatever plan they have.

Just when she was just about slightly mentally prepared for the inevitable goodbye, Beca came to her one afternoon and asked casually what her plan would be after graduation –aside from thinking of becoming an exotic dancer. She remembered laughing at that, but admitted that she actually doesn't have a plan still and it was quite depressing that everyone seemed to have their plan ready and here she was, not having a single clue what to do with her life.

It was depressing really, but it quickly changed when Beca asked her if she wouldn't mind moving to New York with her. She said, "It's totally ok if you don't want to. I just thought… I just thought I'd ask you. I mean, if you ever decided on something you want to do, you can always do it in New York or… I just… I got a job offer in New York and I… I would love it if I could… like… maybe… still… you know what? It's ok. Forget I said anything."

It was quite funny how embarrassed Beca was that day, but she didn't have the heart to tease her. Well, she didn't get to because she squealed "YES!"

Beca would eventually leave her. She's made for something great but until that day comes, Chloe decided she would stay.

It was also then, Chloe decided that, maybe, she was ok being pathetic.

She's in love. She couldn't help it.

Maybe, just maybe… the universe is telling her to wait.

That maybe, there will be a time for her to tell Beca how she feels and maybe when that time comes, Beca would be feeling the same way for her too.

So she moved to New York with Beca –and Fat Amy- and they lived in a small studio type apartment because that was all they could afford; technically she could've offered her parent's two bedroom apartment in Manhattan. Her parents were happy for her to use the property when she told them she was moving to New York, but she wanted to see for herself that she could do it on her own. She hasn't told anyone -not that she was keeping it a secret but because nobody particularly asked- but her parents are actually… well… loaded so to speak. Her father is a successful engineer and her mother an architect and together they built their own construction company –it was also why, she could afford to repeat her senior year three times.

So living in New York, in their littler apartment, her feelings for Beca grew -she still hasn't decided if moving to New York can be deemed as her second mistake but she already accepted that until it was time for Beca to leave, she would stay. She should've known by then that staying close to Beca would only make her fall deeper. Especially when it wasn't even Jesse she talks to whenever something good happens to her at work or something bad; or when eventually Jesse and Beca decided to call it even as they couldn't make the long distance relationship work.

When Jesse and Beca broke up, she felt guilty for feeling hopeful –although she would never admit it to anybody and she wasn't required to anyway- but she just couldn't help herself. Although, regardless of her feelings, she made sure that whatever words of assurance she gave Beca that it was coming from a an unbiased opinion. But she was still hopeful, she was hopeful that one of these days, would be the day that she could finally tell Beca that she loves her.

Every day she was hopeful, especially on a lazy Sunday when she would find Beca staring at her with her laptop and headphone covering her ears few weeks after the break up; Beca would smile at her and she would smile back. The brunette would then mouthed a _'thank you'_ , before shifting her focus back to whatever she was working on, on her laptop.

Those moments made her hopeful; made her think that maybe, Beca would feel the same way too. So she waited and waited. She promised herself that if Beca would so much as look at her the same way she looks at the brunette that she would tell her. She would confess her long suppressed feelings. She just need that one tiny sign from her DJ.

But that sign didn't come.

Beca instead buried herself in her toxic work; adamant in proving herself in the company that never truly realize her potential. The tiny brunette sole focus was to her career and achieving her dreams that she never had time for romance. And Chloe was left watching her hope of Beca reciprocating her feelings go further and further away.

She never got her sign.

And she considered it to be her second attempt that failed.

And she kept her feelings to herself.

There was no point telling Beca, her best friend would probably run the other away, away from her. By now she knew Beca's fight or flight attitude and unfortunately, the tiny DJ is prone to flight rather than fight. She didn't want to risk her friendship with Beca.

Now, in south of France, inside the ladies comfort room, Chloe watched herself wiping the tears that had fallen from usually vibrant eyes.

They just shared Beca's supposedly solo performance and it was also –would probably- the last Bella's performance. It was emotional, but she hers would probably of a different reason from the other Bellas. When the song finishes, Beca seek her out, throwing her arms around her. It was probably one of the tightest hug Chloe had ever received from the brunette and she returned it with as much passion. She was very proud of Beca, of her achievements, but during the hug she felt it.

But in her bid to deny what she felt during their embrace, after the performance, once they were backstage, she tried to look for Beca. She was going to tell her how she feels. Maybe what she felt was wrong. Ever the optimistic, she thought maybe it was the other way; maybe it was the feeling of _'it's time to be honest and finally tell her how you feel'_ , maybe it was time for _their_ movie worthy ending.

And she found her.

But she found her with DJ Khaled and Theo. They were talking and she heard it, _'we would be very pleased to start your recording in our studio in LA'_.

And it was enough and Chloe made her way to the ladies room.

Third attempt… and would probably be the last.

She was right about the embrace. What she felt –it felt like a goodbye.

So it has come.

The day when Beca would leave and she won't be able to follow.

Wiping another batch of tears, Chloe tried to compose herself. She knew this day would come and she told herself that when it does, she would accept it. She would accept that maybe, there was never really a time for them. And she would finally, finally allow herself to move on.

With that acceptance in mind, she readied herself to leave, re-touching her make up to –maybe- hide her sorrow and conceal her heartbreak. She was putting away her lipstick in her clutch bag when she found a folded piece of paper and remembered it to be the one Chicago slipped in her hand when he kissed it as a congratulations after the performance.

Curiously, she opens it-

' _Please meet me backstage, around the corner where the two pillars are. I'll be waiting.'_

Chloe stares at the note, and for a good while.

 _Would it be so wrong?_

Beca's leaving and she can't deny that she finds Chicago attractive and very nice.

 _Would it be so wrong? To seek help in moving on from someone that may actually have feelings for her._

Taking a deep breath, hoping it would clear her mind a bit, Chloe made her way out of the bathroom and to the direction of where the note said Chicago would be waiting.

She found him straight away, eyes smiling that she couldn't help but return.

Maybe this is the universe telling her that it is time.

It is time for her to move on.

Any maybe Chicago is the help the universe has sent her.

Because heaven knows, she won't know how on her own.

 _How do anyone move on from the love they've always wanted?_

When she neared Chicago, it was like the movies. He swept her in his strong arms and kisses her like he has been waiting for her all his life.

 _Maybe… this is how._


	2. Never Forget, I'll Always Love You So

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pitch Perfect.**

 **A/N: Apologies for all the errors.**

 **The Italics are either memories or thoughts.**

* * *

 _Music blaring in the background and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves except for one, the tiny brunette DJ whom just secured a record deal with DJ Khaled –Beca Mitchell._

 _Sitting by the bar and by herself, the brunette seemingly lost in her thoughts as she swirls the golden-brown liquid repeatedly before downing it like she did all the previous five before motioning to the bartender for another. Looking at the now empty glass, Beca sighed; she was never one for clichés and dramas like in the many movies that Jesse had her watch when they were together. But deny as she try –even just to herself- she couldn't help but think how the empty glass resembles what she feels right that moment. And she had to shake her head in incredulity._

 _ **How is it possible to feel like being on top of the world one minute and then… empty the next?**_

 _Tonight, she was sure would be the night when her dreams come true and yes, maybe on the outsider's eyes, she was and maybe years ago, she would say the same. But tonight, her dream she never knew she had –until not-so-recently but close- came crashing down in front of her just when she was brave enough to reach for it._

 _Sighing again and bowing her head, the bartender replaces her empty glass with a new full one, and she watch the golden-brown liquid still and unmoving taking the shape of inside of the glass again. It was nothing special, really; just a liquid filling in the space of the glass and its shape –round. But that was thing though, the liquid only has its shape because of the glass. And it was sad and she felt rather pathetic, because again, she couldn't help but think that just like the drink in her hand, she was also just still and unmoving, nothing special and just filling the space of the otherwise unoccupied chair. If the glass were to break or better yet, if it weren't for the glass holding in the liquid, the liquid will just be a shapeless thing dispersed everywhere and will then just be a waste, because-_

 _ **What can you do with a spilled liquid?**_

 _The bartender will just wipe it clean and then the liquid is gone. Closing her eyes at the thought, she turns her head and dared open her eyes even though she knew what or more appropriately whom she would see._

 _A flash or wavy red hair, smiling and laughing engrossed in a conversation with the charming soldier._

 _And she feels like a spilled liquid, shapeless and scattered._

 _With a shake of her head she downed the golden-brown liquid again. Slowly, her taste buds getting used to the strong taste that burns her throat, spreading heat over her body till she feels that a fraction of a second numbing sensation._

 _She welcomes it like she would an old friend._

" _Shortstack!" Amy called, giving her a rather hard clap in back and appearing next to her. "What are you doing here by yourself? The party is over there," she motioned to the crowed behind her._

 _She didn't bother to look._

 _When she didn't say anything, completely ignoring the question and instead motions for the bartender again for another drink, she could feel Fat Amy watching her._

" _Weren't you looking for Red?"_

 _This time she nods her head._

" _Did you find her?"_

 _She nods again whilst accepting the new drink placed in front of her._

" _Did you tell her?" Amy asks, her tone rather skeptical and hopeful at the same time that even for someone known to be oblivious as herself could hear it. But instead of giving Amy some sort of answer, she opted to drink her poison._

" _Beca!" and now there's frustration._

" _Amy…" she cuts in. She's in no mood for her friend's theory. It was her stupid theory –that Chloe has feelings for her- anyway that opened her otherwise oblivious heart –she wants to vomit- of its feelings towards her redheaded best friend. If it weren't for Amy's theory, she would've been happy not being aware of how Chloe was/is the glass that was shaping her in to the best version of herself. And she mentally scoffed at herself. Because really, what is up with her thoughts at the moment. At this rate, she would be worse than those movies Jesse loves._

" _Not now," she tells her friend instead._

" _I thought you finally grew some balls to tell her," never one to let anything go quickly, Amy commented._

 _She sighed at that. Because, she did; and she said so without thought, "I did. Too late."_

 _And before her boisterous Australian friend could further comment, the ever so bubbly redhead came bouncing towards them, Captain America in tow. She didn't have to say anything, she could tell Amy saw their clasps hands and the look her friend gave her, and it was enough tell._

 _Amy knew then why she isolated herself and found solace by the bar._

" _What're you guys doing here? The party is over there!" Chloe points behind her just like what Fat Amy did earlier on._

" _Shawshank here's moping , I asked the same question," the ever tactless Amy and she had to take a deep breath through her nose, to calm herself before turning to the redhead a smile –or maybe a grimace- plastered on her face._

" _I was just taking a breather," she said as she turns towards the bubbly redhead._

 _If Chloe believed her, she couldn't tell because she just looks at her. And it was a bit terrifying and not in the sense that it was scary -because nothing about Chloe could be scary even when she was angry, her anger was just painful to see- but rather alarming because she could feel Chloe studying her. And if anyone could see right through her, it would be Chloe._

 _ **Or… could she really? Because if she could then… she would've known. These feelings…**_

" _Come dance with me Becs!" she said instead, letting go of Chicago's hand and reaching for hers. If she had wanted to object, she wouldn't have been able to, because Chloe was quick to take hand, pulling her out of her chair._

 _If being honest, she didn't put up a fight either. Maybe it was the alcohol in her system, or maybe it was the longing to be close to Chloe at this moment –again she could vomit with all these feelings and thoughts- but whatever it is or was, she was happy to take the opportunity. Because really, at this point, who could tell how often or how less she would have this chance?_

 _In the middle of the dance floor, when Chloe stopped to turn to her, she expected her to start swaying her body in tune with the music, hands up in the air with her head bobbing to the beats, but instead, Chloe circled her arms around her shoulder pulling her close as if hugging her… or it could very well be that. Chloe hugging her in the middle of the dance floor, only moving them by means of just a little swaying –barely noticeable either._

 _And she could smell Chloe's familiar scent and regardless of the turmoil inside her, she found calmness that she couldn't help but wrap her own arms around this woman's waist, matching the sway of her body, because she couldn't do anything else._

 _She didn't want to do anything else._

 _This is what Chloe does to her, cause storm in her that she couldn't explain and calm her at the same time; like it was loud feeling these things for Chloe but it was also quiet, that she just closes her eyes._

Repeated and constant buzz from Beca's phone startling her to awareness, opening her eyes with a jerk of her head from where it was laying in her folded arms on top of her mixing board. Looking around, she wasn't surprise to find that she is in fact still in her studio.

This is not an uncommon occurrence.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she sighed.

Always the same dream… or more accurately, memories; these memories that keeps appearing in her unconscious state that she still couldn't decide if it makes her want to sleep more or stay awake. Because, these memories or dreams… is all she has left.

Reaching for her phone, it was no surprise for her to find the multiple messages from the Bella group chat. They were organizing Chloe's 30th birthday party going to be held in New York the coming weekend –or rather, tomorrow if she bothers to check the calendar- and that was basically the gist she knows of; and it wasn't really because she couldn't be bothered to read, but rather, she just chose not to know more. Because really, she could bet she knew more of what will happen on that day than any of the Bellas.

And for that reason, she thinks, the saying ' _innocence is a blessing'_ couldn't be more true.

* * *

-Two Weeks Ago-

Beca was in New York and in Tiffany and Co.'s branch in 42nd Street no less. She just had a meeting and since she was already in New York, she thought she might as well see if Chloe would be free to grab some lunch with her. She hardly see her best friend, but it was of her own doing.

Since 4 years ago, when DJ Khaled signed her and offered her to move to LA and she was about ready to ask again if Chloe wouldn't mind moving with her again, only to be informed that she and Chicago would try the long distance relationship -since apparently Chicago only has half a year to complete before he could move to any office of his choice in the US under the Dept. of Veterans Affair for PTSD Treatment Program- Beca decided that it would probably in Chloe's best interest if she not mention anything at all about the desire to ask her to move to LA with her and just accept the fact that she can't really expect Chloe to move her life to wherever she does.

So since then, 4 years ago, when she moved to LA and Chloe stayed in New York, she made sure to see Chloe as often as she could, especially when she's in New York for whatever project or meeting or just anything at all.

It was a promise they both made, but initiated by her.

However, it only lasted for 6 months, because once Chicago came back from Spain and him and Chloe decided to move in together, as painful as it was or is for Beca, she decided that –this time- for her own good, it'd be better to stay away. Of course she would still meet with Chloe but instead of their at least once a month agreement, it had turned to once in 6 months –and this was because she didn't think she could last a year without seeing Chloe; otherwise, if she could, she would try to make it even less than that. But she knows she couldn't stay away longer, she misses Chloe just way too much.

Chloe of course –bless her- tries to stay true with the agreement and her part of the promise. But it was futile; because –again- as painful as it _is_ for Beca, she finds a way to be… unavailable so to speak. And she knows it hurts Chloe, she knows that Chloe might be feeling like she had moved on with her new life and has no time for her, but Beca knows in her heart, it was never the case. She was just protecting herself, because even though she sort of accepted that Chloe is the dream she could never reach, the acceptance didn't really make it easier for her. It was still as painful.

Anyway, since she knew she would be in New York, the day before she arrive, she had texted Chloe if she would be available for lunch after her meeting and of course it was no surprise when Chloe excitedly agreed.

But Beca's meeting ended earlier than expected and she knew Chloe won't be available until later due to the surgery scheduled for the day. So now, she found herself inside Tiffany and Co. trying to find a perfect gift for said redhead. She doesn't particularly enjoy shopping, especially if it has anything to do with fancy jewellery. But it would be for Chloe's 30th, so she endures her least favorite activity. She wants to get Chloe something special and even though she actually is working on a song for Chloe, she kind of not 100% confident that it'd be finish in time for Chloe's birthday. And so she needed a plan B, hence, her presence in Tiffany and Co.

She was at lost. She has no idea what to get Chloe-

A lie.

She knows what she wants to get Chloe.

And it is reason why she had been slowly walking and slightly browsing until she's actually hovering over the rings section of the shop.

There were lots and lots of rings on display but there was this one that stands out to her. It isn't very simple, but simple enough compared to others. The ring looks to be a platinum band with a round brilliant diamond in about decent size –not like those over the top ones lined next to it- situated in between pear-shaped –she guesses- blue sapphires.

And it reminds her of Chloe's eyes in a dim lit room.

Shaking her head out of those thoughts, she was ready –forcibly- to move on to other section, but one of the sales person behind the counter noticed her and before she could go she greets-

"Hi! I'm Charlie, is there anything I can help you with?"

And she doesn't know why, but instead of saying no and moving on to other section as originally planned, she stayed. She didn't get to answer straight away though, probably because she was still processing but regardless, she didn't move away either.

"Are you looking for anything in particular? The lady named Charlie asks, smile not faltering and Beca just look and she guesses she probably looks like an idiot. But the smile in Charlie's lips looks genuine and she looks friendly enough. She exude a bubbly, happy aura –again reminding her of a certain redhead- that made her feel comfortable.

"Ahm… uhm… I'm not really sure," she answered honestly, because really, there is no point in lying. "I came here hoping to find the perfect gift for…" she pauses and looks directly at Charlie and she looks patiently back at her, it was comforting. "A very special friend, but… I don't really know what to get."

Charlie nods her head and looks at the rings in front of them. Beca wasn't fully aware how her eyes keeps on diverting back to that ring, but Charlie noticed.

"Do you wanna take a look?" Charlie asked a bit tentatively, if Beca's perception of the tone is to go by.

As if in some unexplainable trance and her body is acting on its own accord, Beca has her head nodding.

The woman smiled and happily took the ring out of its velvety box, only to be placed in a flat surface –also covered in velvet- square before pushing it in front of Beca for closer look. Beca is usually clueless to a lot of things, but even she knows that this ring is an engagement ring.

 _It can't hurt to look... right?_

She picks the ring and gently lifts it taking a much closer look and she's right. The blue sapphire clearly resembles Chloe's eyes in dim lit room; the same shade of blue that lulls her to sleep when they still live together sharing a bed in their small apartment back in Brooklyn.

"It's exquisite, isn't it?"

As if in trance, lost in one of the happiest memories she has, almost like daydreaming in blue, Beca nods.

"The blue… they're hauntingly similar to hers…" she mumbles but loud enough to be heard. It was then she realizes what she had said and a panic look in her eyes. But the blonde haired sales personnel with disarmingly kind smile named Charlie just looks back seemingly patiently waiting for her to continue.

Instead, she took her phone out and scrolled to her photo section, looking for a picture of Chloe. There were lots, but there was this one selfie picture of them two Chloe took using her phone. It was one during her birthday back in their old Brooklyn apartment; the lighting was bad because of a power failure and they only had the flicker of candles from her cake and some around the apartment as their light. Chloe's eyes still shone breathtakingly regardless. Finally finding that particular picture, she showed it to Charlie.

It was weird.

Because normally, it takes a lot for her to start sharing or talking about anything personal –or anything at all. She has gotten better over the years –all thanks to Chloe- but somehow, that moment, she was compelled to just… share.

Share and maybe talk to this stranger who knows nothing about her.

And it clicked.

Maybe it was why.

The stranger knows nothing about her. Whatever she say or not say, it would only be in the safe knowledge of this stranger that she probably won't be seeing again.

"She is really beautiful. And you're right. The sapphire does resembles her eyes. And… I'm sure your special friend will like it," Charlie offers as maybe a sign of encouragement after her rather prolonged silence.

Looking at the ring in her hand, she shakes her head a sad smile ghosting her lips –she could feel.

"She would," she agrees. "But…" sighing, she looks up once again to meet Charlie's kind eyes. "But, the right to give her this, I… I don't have."

"Oh…"

She nods, confirming her words further.

"Beca?"

And she decided then that maybe the universe has some kind of vendetta against her, because right that moment, in the same Tiffany and Co. branch –what are the odds-, Chicago was there.

"What're you doing here?" He asks as he approaches her, giving her a tentative quick hug, knowing how awkward she gets with any physical contact (Chloe definitely had given him a briefing).

"Oh… ahm…"

"Oh yeah! Chloe mentioned last night that she will be meeting you for lunch today," he supplies and she –even after all these years- felt that little pang of… jealousy perhaps, at the mention of _'mentioned it last night'._ Because –not that she'll ever be able to forget- it reminds her that, he was with Chloe; at the end of his every day. He has Chloe to come home to.

"This must be my lucky day. I had been actually thinking of contacting you or Aubrey to ask for help."

"What for?"

"Chloe's birthday is fast approaching and… well…" he looks away, his eyes landing on the rings on their side, the blush that suddenly present itself in Chicago's face had her heart beating wildly and not in a good way.

 _Please… not this…_

Looking up and smiling at her sincerely he confirms it for her.

"I was… I mean, I'm actually planning on asking Chloe to marry me."

And Beca never tried that ice bucket challenge that was once a craze. But hearing those words, what it made her feel, she was sure would equal what it must've felt like having an ice water poured on to your whole body.

She was quiet. And she knows, that in a normal scenario, she'd be expected to squeal excitedly because she is after all Chloe's best friend, but none of that happened.

She just looks at Chicago and for a good while, maybe. Because the next thing that registers in her brain is the hand waving in front of her face.

She had to blink at that and shakes her head, trying to regain her consciousness –and inside composure, because she's really about to just run and head to the airport, and hide and stay away.

"That's… uhm… wow."

She was speechless really and Chicago took it as a positive thing because his smile just got bigger.

"And I'm so glad to bump in to you here," he says. "Maybe, this is the universe telling me that this is the right time to ask her," and he laughs shaking his head. "Living with Chloe… makes you believe in universe and everything else in between," he comments.

Beca couldn't argue. He wasn't wrong.

Chloe as whole would make you believe in miracles.

"I know, you'll have lunch with Chloe, but… if it's ok with you…"

 _NO! It's not ok. Never will it be ok._

"Maybe you can spare me a time and help me find that perfect ring?" Chicago asks hopefully and she wants to say no. Really. But… couldn't.

Waiting for reply, Chicago turns to their side where Beca was browsing earlier and Beca followed. She couldn't verbally say no or yes, so… she opted for silence. And as she did, -the universe really hates her- Chicago saw the ring she was looking at earlier.

"Wow" he mutters. "I found it!"

She gasped in horror (Chicago most probably took it as a _wow_ ).

 _No. No. No. Not that one._

"May I?" he asks.

And Charlie, must've seen the exchange between them and maybe, put two and two together. She must've seen the dread in her eyes and silent protest, because –god bless her- she pulls the box -where the ring is- away.

"Oh, I'm sorry Sir, this is no longer for sale," she says as she put the ring away.

And the obvious disappointment that crosses Chicago's rather –even she had to admit- handsome face almost made her feel guilty, but it was not enough to make her stop from looking at Charlie with a silent gratitude that she sure had been received if the small nod in return would be any indication.

"But we have a lot of other rings available to choose from," Charlie added as she pulls a flat velvet covered box containing a variety of different engagement rings. Chicago smiles at her and started browsing.

Beca just stood watching, or seemingly watching because in reality, her mind was elsewhere. It was with the image of strikingly blue eyes owned by a redheaded woman in scrubs currently performing a removal or tumor on a cat.

"What do you think of this one Beca?"

It was only in that moment that her mind forcibly returns to her, in the shop, where Chloe's boyfriend currently asking for her help to find an engagement ring for the woman whom –unknowingly- also holds her heart.

She looks at the ring in Chicago's hand. It has a single diamond of a decent size siting perfectly in the middle, the band made of white-gold. It looks very much like the traditional engagement ring –and it makes it no special.

 _Chloe deserves only the best._

She didn't say anything after inspecting the ring Chicago pointed at her; instead she browses more, knowing deep inside where the perfect rings for Chloe is.

 _But I can't._

It was then another ring caught her eyes. She picks it up and hands it over to the soldier.

It's similar to the one Chicago was first holding out to her with a slight but very obvious difference. This ring too, has a decent size siting perfectly in the middle of a white-gold band. However, the diamond has a different cut and she is no expert but she knows enough to know that the diamond is one that they call princess cut; the way the band is shaped and molded is different too. The one Chicago was looking at was kind of flat wherein this one kind of more rounded.

The ring is simple but elegant.

And kind of painful to look at, once it downs on her why it's more appealing. And when she looks up and accidentally meets Charlie's eyes, she knows why her feeling is warranted.

"Why this one? It looks similar to that one?" Chicago asks as he inspects the ring closely.

Avoiding Chicago's eyes by pretending to look at all the other rings, she answers simply-

"The same way that lyrics and music effortlessly blend together; this ring can be paired perfectly with its…" she pauses looking up, once again meeting the comforting eyes that held understanding of Charlie, and she sighs. "Its coordinating wedding band; the setting of the diamond ensures that it'll shine brilliantly and the proportion of this ring complements that of when worn with its matching wedding band… it creates the perfect duet."

Chicago needed no further convincing. He smile brightly, thanking her with so much gratitude in his voice before giving the ring back to Charlie, confirming that it's _the_ ring and he'll take it.

"Wonderful! Let me prepare this for you and if you'll meet me at the counter, please" Charlie says.

Beca was stoic. Still seemingly looking at rings, but really seeing nothing.

"Beca, I can't take you enough. Please, if you can maybe let me buy you a coffee. Chloe would be finish soon, and I could keep you company until she arrives."

She just nods, absently.

"Ok, great! Let me just pay for the ring and we can go," he said before leaving her to follow Charlie.

Left with her own thoughts, Beca absent-mindedly starts walking around feeling so much at once that it's numbing in a sense that it's terrifying. And as she walks around, as if something calls her name, she turns and her attention immediately captured by a silver heart shaped locket.

 _Very cliché._

She didn't have to say anything because suddenly, the locket is being taken from its place and handed to her for a closer look and when she looks up, she's greeted by the same kind eyes that showed so much understanding.

Charlie.

Offering another grateful smile, she takes the locket and opens it. What she found inside only confirmed it for her –it's the perfect gift. Inside the locket, engraved the sign of the G clef.

"I'll take this," she said. "But… do you do engraving too?"

"Yes. But it'll take a few hours to finish. You'll have to pick it up later."

"That's fine."

"Ok," Charlie smiles again. "What would you like to put?"

Looking at the locket again and then closing her eyes, she shortly -once again- daydream in blue.

"At the cover, ' _never forget'_ and then inside at the back of the cover _'I'll always love you so…_ '"

-o-o-o-

Not long and Beca found herself in a little café somewhere but still in 42nd Street. She watches the people that passes by whilst she waits for Chicago's return with their coffee order.

She has no idea, what she was doing with herself or why she was letting herself be subjected to this… this torture. Every minute that passes by, the urge to escape becoming more and more prominent. She doesn't want to have coffee with Chicago. She wants to be anywhere away from Chicago and… from Chloe too.

"Sorry it took so long," the soldier apologizes as he takes the chair in front of her.

She just nods and smiles as a response. And then the silence stretched afterwards. She doesn't mind the silence, but she also can't blame Chicago for trying to open up a conversation.

"So… how are you, Beca?"

"I'm ok."

 _Lie._

"You? How are things?"

"Can't complain," he smiles. "It's different not being in the field; when I signed for army, I imagined my life would be out there where the actions are. But, I'm not complaining that I'm mostly in the office now unless I get another PTSD case of one of our veterans. I mean… it's different but it's safer for one. It's a less of a worry for Chloe."

 _What do you say to that?_

"Yeah," she nods and takes a sip of her coffee not minding that it's still very hot. The hot liquid burnt her tongue, but she welcomes it. It's not painful enough compared…

"I'm actually glad that you're meeting up with Chloe today," he continues and he laughs lightly when her face probably sports a questioning look. "Chloe's been… well, she really hasn't stopped worrying about you, but the worry particularly heightened ever since your meet ups became less and less."

 _And there's that guilt._

"I don't know if you know, but… even if she doesn't mention it, I know it saddens her."

 _Are you trying to kill me with guilt?_

"She misses you so much," Chicago reveals. "I know she misses all the Bellas but I know she misses you the most. I could feel it. And, I mean… who could blame her? You guys particularly bonded after leaving together here."

She sips the hot coffee again.

 _Still not painful enough to cover the now added guilt._

"Sometimes, when we jog in the morning, she insist to go around Brooklyn and without a fail, our route would pass by your old Brooklyn apartment in Verona Street."

 _Maybe I could take her there again._

At that thought, she shakes her head. She knows it'll open so many memories and though she considers it one of her happiest, it doesn't mean it doesn't also bring with it a lot of regrets.

"Chloe doesn't say it and she didn't have to, but I could tell it I mean, she got to be the owner of the most expressive eyes I had ever seen."

"Ditto," is all she could say.

"Sometimes, I think she feels like, you've moved on so far forward in to your career, that you have no time for a little catch up with her and she also worries that maybe you also don't have time for yourself too."

 _She's right that I don't have time for myself, but so wrong about the rest._

"So, I'm really happy that you guys are meeting today. At least it would lessen her worries," he smiles and Beca could feel the sincerity.

 _Damn, this nice man!_

How could she ever feel resentment towards this wonderful man whose only fault is falling in love with the same woman as hers? She may not have said much in the time since they arrived in the café, but she nevertheless observed that way Chicago talks about her best friend. Only a blind person would not see how much he adores Chloe –maybe the blind won't see but they could definitely hear it in the way he talks about the redhead.

"You love her so much," she states and she could tell Chicago didn't expect her comment, but he affirms it by smiling more.

 _Chloe's bright and always smiling aura must've rubbed on to him._

"You have no idea how much."

And she doesn't know why; maybe she just she thought she hasn't had enough of pain to last her to however long, because how else would she explain why she asks this particular question –"why don't you tell me?"

"This is the best friend this isn't it?" Chicago asks playfully. "You now know I'm going to ask Chlo to marry me, so as her best friend, I have to pass and get your approval?"

She shrugs.

 _Or maybe, because I'm hanging on the edge and needs to know before I fully let go of a dream, that I'm letting this dream go to someone more deserving._

"I love your best friend," he states and his tone takes in to more serious note. "I love Chloe; very much so, that even though, I feel… I sometimes feel like she could never love me best, it doesn't matter."

 _Wait. What?!_

But she remains silent and gives Chicago all the time to explain further.

Turning his head to the window of the café where they sat, his eyes seemingly looking further away from the people passing by, she allows him to gather his thoughts. Because, it looks like it was what he was doing.

"Chloe is _it_ for me. I know from very early on in our relationship. But maybe it was just me being paranoid, but regardless, I'll still admit that sometimes I think, as much as she loves me, she's still not… I don't know; fully happy, I guess." And for the first time, Beca saw a frown in his handsome face as he tries to eloquently explain his thought process. "And I want to be that person," he turns to her. "I want to be the person that could make her completely happy –if she isn't completely. I want to continuously be the one to show her every day that she's at her most beautiful when she just woke up in the morning."

 _Ok. Ouch._

"In a nutshell, I love Chloe so much that if it had to take my entire lifetime to prove that I could be _it_ for her too; that I am the person that could make her completely happy, then… I'm in."

And it would be hard to not have your eyes glassy at his statement, because not only did Chicago achieved what she wants him to prove, but he made her feel it too; how much love he has for Chloe, that it could rival hers –if it hasn't already.

"But… if you have doubt… I mean, you said you feel like she can't love you best. Why are you?"

 _How does a question like this be better phrased?_

It turns out, she didn't need to.

"Because I'm not sure; I could be right, feeling that she doesn't love me best, but… I could be wrong too. It could be just my own demon… insecurities. And what if I'm wrong?"

 _What if you're right?_

"It could be a risk, sure. But, it's a risk I'm willing to take. Because I don't want to have the regret of not doing the thing I want to do because I let my doubt get in the way. Life is too short and being in the army taught me that, as well as opened my eyes in a lot of ugly things. So, I never want to miss a chance or waste time; it's not every day that you'll see something beautiful and Chloe… Chloe is the epitome of the word beautiful."

 _You mostly regret the things you didn't do than of the things you did._

"And if I'm right? Then…" he turns to look away again and to the window. "Then I'll cherish the times I get to take care of her, before she meets the person that could make her happy the way I never could."

And maybe, Chicago does deserves Chloe's love and affection more.

"There you guys are!" as if on cue, Chloe bounces towards them excitedly and still in her scrubs. Beca didn't even get to react before she's enveloped in a tight familiar hug –and scent- of Chloe Beale.

And oh the familiar scent, this feeling… she missed her so much. Closing her eyes, she doesn't have it in her to pull quickly away, and so she lets herself be held for as long as the redhead wants to; and in turn she embraces her just as tight, letting the embrace speaks for feelings words she couldn't utter.

Chicago true to his words, left once Chloe arrived. He must've excused himself or said his goodbye but it fell short on Beca's ears because it didn't register to her –just like it didn't register the look the crosses his face.

"I missed you so much!" Chloe exclaims as she takes Chicago's previous chair.

"Me too Beale," she admits. _You have no idea how much._

"How long are you in town for?"

"Just for the day. I fly back this afternoon."

 _Lie._

Her flight was not until the next day, and originally she was going to ask Chloe to hang out with her for the duration of her stay. But after her chat with Chicago… she's just about ready to concede her dream. And how will she make it a bit easier, if she's going to continue reminding herself how Chloe's presence does to her –not that she forgot or will ever be able to- by hanging out with her longer.

"So soon?" the redhead whines, and it almost made her retract her decision. "I feel like I never see you anymore. No. Wait. It's not just feeling, I really don't see you anymore," and there was edge in her tone.

"I'm sorry." And she wants to add that she'll make it up to her, but she can't. Because it would be a lie. Because she can't allow herself to be around Chloe more, because she'll fall deeper –it's already hard enough to force herself to stop- and now more than ever she has to; because… Chicago is proposing soon and that's when she'll really have to let go.

Daring to maintain eye contact with Chloe, she sees her take a deep breath before shaking her head.

"No. I'm sorry, I didn't it mean it that way," she apologizes. "I just… I really _really_ miss you Becs."

"I know. Me too," at least she's telling the truth this time. "But, your birthday is coming soon. We'll see each other again, then," she adds.

"Are you sure?" the question not only asked in words but with matching skeptical baby blue eyes.

And she can't fault those blue eyes because, she indeed had missed Chloe's last two birthday celebrations. She tried to attend those though. But the thing is, she's used to celebrating Chloe's birthday on the actual day; like when they were living together and she would wake up as soon as midnight hits and wake Chloe up to greet her happy birthday, then on to the day they would spend just doing almost anything Chloe wants. And the last two birthdays that passed, Chicago had taken Chloe away for a getaway, therefore the celebration had been either in advance or later and by then, Beca's will to celebrate had already dwindled down to nothing due to knowledge of why the celebration had not been on Chloe's actual birthday, and she didn't want her Debby Downer aura to ruin the celebration so she chose to miss it. It wasn't an easy task too. But, luckily for her, she still has her music to drown herself with.

But this time though… is she sure? Will she really make an appearance knowing what she knows now –the planned proposal?

"I'll be there."

Because regardless of what she knows will happen, she also know that if it had been the other way –and thankfully it's not, because she would never want to have Chloe feel the struggle she's going through- Chloe would be there for her. Because she's her best friend. And if nothing else, she has to be the best friend Chloe deserves. She's been a shitty friend for years now because of selfish reason, but this upcoming event, as painful as it would be, she has to put herself aside and be there for Chloe. To celebrate not only her 30th but also her engagement.

But as soon as those words leave her lips, the smile that radiated from Chloe's face, it was enough to let Beca know that she had made the right decision. Chloe's smile brightens the room, but the shine in her eyes from the glee of hearing her promise, it was priceless.

"Then I don't need anything else for my birthday," she says. "Because you're going to be there."

And how will she ever make herself stop falling for this human?

How? When she says things like this that makes her heart hope and turns her in to this sappy dramatic persona that she hates in movies.

"You're all I need."

-o-o-o-

Much later that day, after her prolonged goodbye with Chloe, Beca found herself entering the Tiffany and Co.'s for the second time that day. She approaches the counter and luckily for her, it was Charlie in there.

"Hi Beca." she greets her with smile.

"Hey," she greets back with a short wave –a definite Beca Mitchell signature wave.

Charlie then presents her purchase, showing her the pendant already attached to a necklace of her choice; and as instructed, the inscription elegantly inscribed at the front and the back cover –once opened- of the pendant. She nods her head as an approval and Charlie then proceeds on preparing it safely in a very neat packaging. Once done, she hands it over to her with a meaningful look.

"Good luck, Beca Mitchell," she says.

Beca's eyes grew wide. The credit card she used was one that was under her alias. She doesn't do a lot of TV appearances to be recognized and after her debut, she mostly spends 80% producing music rather than performing, so it was really a surprise for her that Charlie knows who she is.

And the kind sales personnel chuckles.

"You may think you're not recognizable, but you are," she says as an explanation. "You're music is too amazing for you not to be known."

"Uhm… thank you."

4 years in the business and she's still as awkward as the day she started.

She offers Charlie a smile before motioning that she'll go ahead. Charlie nods her head too as acknowledgment.

But before she could go and before Charlie could turn her back on her, Beca's lips mumble –loud enough- words her brain didn't have the time to think

"Uhm… about the ring."

When Charlie turns, she hands another perfectly prepared neat packaging to Beca, as if she was just waiting. Without a word, Beca hands over her credit card again. After a few minutes, just when she said her goodbye again. This time, Charlie answers her with-

"Try anyway, you'll never know."

That night, Beca didn't check herself in in one of the many decent hotels in Manhattan. Instead she took a cab to Brooklyn –Verona Street. She's not keeping the apartment a secret, but she never told anyone either. When she moved to LA and Chloe to her parent's Manhattan condo, she kept the lease and when she had enough money, she made an offer to the owner who was more than happy to sell the apartment.

She doesn't always stay in the apartment, because it holds too many memories, but she just can't let it go either. But tonight, this is the only place she'd want to go.

Entering the premises, she walks a few steps before dropping her whole body to the bed face down. She kept everything the way it was when they were still living there –even went as far as buying Chloe's favourite scented candles. The only adjustment would only be on used to be Fat Amy's side of the apartment; in place of where Fat Amy's old bed were a few of her mixing equipment.

Turning around, laying on her back and staring at the ceiling, she reached for the ring she had no plan of buying but bought anyway. She doesn't even need the damn ring. But when she looks at it, studying it like she did the first time. She had to really agree with Charlie –the ring is exquisite.

 _And it would really look good on Chloe's finger._

Closing her tired eyes, Beca could picture it. She could picture the redhead wearing her ring whilst she explains how the blue sapphire reminds her of her eyes but still not quite as beautiful. She could imagine Chloe blushing and smiling at her and probably tease her for being romantic and of course she would deny it but she's sure she'll be smiling back at Chloe. She could picture herself, telling Chloe that she could be anything for her but only for her and she could hear Chloe saying _'I don't need you to be anything but yourself. You're perfect'_ and it would be one of the million times when Chloe made her fall in love.

Unconsciously a smile ghosts Beca's lips 'till she opens her eyes, gaze falling on to the ring in front of her and quickly the smile disappears together with the image she conjured behind closed eyes. And in the darkness of the familiar apartment, she whispers-

"What am I going to do with you now?"

* * *

Knowing that she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep and really not bothered going home, Beca continued on with the project she and Emily is working on.

What she's doing is not healthy, she knows this. She should be getting enough sleep or eating properly. She also knows that she could get away not working so hard like she did her first year in DJ Khaled's label. She has nothing to prove anymore. 4 years in the business and she already won 3 Grammies out of her 5 nominations. The music she produced for various artists were chart toppers as well as the singles she herself released. She's one of the most sought after music producer and she just recently entered composing as well. Really. She could afford to just go for a little while and it wouldn't be a problem. She'd come back and still have a job. Heck, she could even go and take the job with her. All she'll need is her laptop and headphones.

But that's also her problem.

She wouldn't know where else to go. Outside the studio she has nothing. Her one bedroom condo unit is almost empty if it weren't for a bed, a wardrobe and her music stuff –she doesn't even have a TV or a fridge. She didn't bother getting one, since she's always eating out or have food delivered to the studio. She basically just go there, to sometimes sleep but mostly just to shower and change. She could go out with friends, Fat Amy is always available, Stacie is most of the time in LA too, ever since her modelling career started –even after having Bella; Jesse is also mostly in LA unless Aubrey can't travel to visit then he would be in Georgia. It still baffles her to know that her ex-boyfriend is now dating her former Bella Captain. It doesn't bother though, her especially if they're happy, she just didn't expect it –also because she thought Aubrey was interested in Stacie. But anyway, the point is, she could go out and see her old friends, but she doesn't.

She buries herself with work, drowning in her music.

Because for Beca, it's the only thing she could do and marginally feels something close to comfort. She could listen to music and be lost in it enough that she could almost feel like she could escape from ever knowing what she had lost or more appropriately, what she could have had.

The clock reads 9AM and Beca still has her head buried deep in her music. She was too focused she didn't even notice Emily barging in.

"Beca, what are you doing?" The tall brunette asked. She had been looking for Beca since 7AM. She had been in her condo too trying to find her. Now she felt stupid. She should've known to look for her in the studio. Beca practically lives there. "Did you forget?"

Beca looks at Emily with blank expression in her face. This isn't unusual. She doesn't remember much.

"We're meant to fly to New York today! In," the tall brunette glances at the clock quickly and added, "4 hours. And you look like you haven't even been home since yesterday."

Home.

Beca sighed.

She doesn't have a home. She does have a house but it was no home.

"Can't I just give you my gift and you just represent the both of us?" She asks hopefully and she knows that she promised Chloe two weeks ago that she'd be there. But, as the days went by getting closer and closer to her birthday, the will to actually fulfil that promise was getting harder and harder.

Her talk with Chicago was haunting her, because what he said? It proves to her how perfect he is for Chloe and try as she may, she wouldn't be able to compete.

 _Is there even a competition?_

"Beca…" the youngest Bella in their generation –so to speak- tries to meet her eyes. "You can't hide forever," she said knowingly.

And Beca was just quiet.

Normally, she would feign innocence whenever a comment like that is thrown at her. But today, she just couldn't find it in her to act like she doesn't know what Emily was talking about.

"I'm tired Em," she admits. "I don't have it in me today… to pretend."

Confused Emily asked, "Why would you need to pretend?"

 _This is madness_.

"How else am I going to look happy when he's on his knees asking her the question, I couldn't?"


	3. Chloe's Guilt

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pitch Perfect**

 **A/N: Apologies in advance for all the error. Italics are either memories, dream or thoughts.**

 **PS: I love Chloe. If I unintentionally portrayed her as selfish or whatnot in this chapter, please note that I didn't mean to and that I love her and that I just want to write (as much as I can) how hard it is to move on from a love we** ' **ve always wanted. How sometimes, people do get desperate trying to stop the pain.** **Anyways, on with the story. I hope you guys enjoy.**

* * *

 _A soft pad of finger gently rubs the length of Chloe's nose, slowly pulling her away from her slumber. She was going to ignore it, she could tell even from her state of in between asleep and awake that it was too early to be waking up, but the gentle rubs continue._

" _Uhm…" she protests as she tries to swat away the hand that causing her to stir._

" _Chloe…" a whisper of her name from a familiar voice she so fond of, of course she wouldn't be able to keep her eyes close. Slowly she opens them and the sight made her glad she did -a set of deep blue eyes, smiling at her and looking at her as if she's everything that is beautiful in the world._

" _Hi," Beca said, still smiling softly._

" _Hi," she replies, her voice still heavy from sleep. "What time is it?"_

 _Instead of answering, Beca greets her in the gentlest voice she rarely uses and only with Chloe –as far as Chloe knows, "Happy Birthday Chlo."_

 _It must've been 12midnight._

 _Ever since they moved in together in New York, without fail, as soon as the clock ticks 12midnight on her birthday, Beca would wake her up to greet her._

 _And Chloe didn't have to see herself; she knows she smiles her brightest smile._

" _Thank you," she whispers back, scooting closer to the tiny brunette._

" _Go back to sleep, I'll wake you up later when breakfast is ready," says Beca still using the same gentle tone as if afraid if she speaks any louder it'd disturb the comfortable silence they're in._

" _Uhmmkay," she agrees –because she's still really very sleepy- and turns away from Beca but not before reaching for her hand. She then wraps Beca's arm around her midsection, scooting closer to the brunette for a cuddle. Beca didn't say anything and instead just pulls her closer, nuzzling her face against red locks that smells like strawberries. "G'night Becs."_

" _Goodnight sweetie."_

 _And Chloe's not sure if it actually happened or just a dream, but she could almost swears she felt Beca's lips against her shoulder placing the softest of kiss. Regardless, the sensation it brought her –whether be it a dream or not- was enough to lull her to sleep, dreaming of soft dark blues sparkling with mirth._

* * *

Soft light from outside seeping through the tiny spaces in between the blinds slowly stirs Chloe from her sleep. She kept her eyes close whilst she turns feeling an arm draped lazily around her midsection. Unhurriedly opening her eyes with a tinge of smile in her lips, the sight that greets her however halted the smile and a frown involuntarily appears. In front of her is not the pair of deep blue that was on her dream or the soft facial feature that normally homes a smirk or a scowl; instead, in front of her is the relaxed face of a sleeping Chicago.

A soft and quiet sigh left Chloe as she realises the feeling of disappointment. And as quickly as the realisation of having felt disappointment, she was helpless as guilt embraces her. Every day, she knows how lucky she is for having someone like Chicago cares for her or loves her and every day she is appreciative but no matter how thankful or appreciative she is… every day for 4 years, she knows she's falling short when it comes to returning the same amount love and care.

And she knows it's unfair. She knows that she's being unfair to this wonderful man, but she tries. And she tries really hard. The feelings that she's lacking to return, she makes up for being the best girlfriend and partner she can be.

4 years ago, when they moved in together, she won't lie –to herself- and say that her decision was not made out of desperation, because it was. Beca moved to LA and Amy was travelling and she stayed in New York. And NYC _is_ her home and she didn't want to succumb to the feeling she had been fighting off since Beca left. She didn't want to feel alone nor feel lonely.

So when Chicago presents the opportunity, she grabs it. Everything went too fast that she barely had time to think it through, but she guessed it was what desperation does to you.

But ever since they decided to move in together -3 months after Chicago's return to US 4 years ago- without fail, she would prepare him breakfast and lunch and if she could make it in time for dinner, she would cook dinner for them two as well; she helps him prepare his clothes for the next day every night before bed and always ask how his day went making sure to pay attention. She makes sure he's always taken care of, making sure he won't feel any of her shortcomings. And these things were all easy to do for Chicago, because Chicago –bless him- always helps her out and not only in making their place clean but in the kitchen too or even laundry. He's very attentive and would always be interested in whatever stories she has for the day. She can't fault him on anything even when they argue; even when she knows she was the one out of line, he would forgive her and even apologise as well.

Chicago is the perfect guy.

And Chloe feels very guilty for not feeling enough; and she only has herself to blame.

4 years ago, when they returned from their USO tour, she knew it was only a matter of time before Beca would have to leave. She had always known that one day, Beca would leave and she accepted that and even tried to prepare for the inevitable. But try as she had, mentally and emotionally, when it came down to that day, she was hopeless.

Only admitting it to herself -even tried to suppress it- but at the back of her mind she had hoped that Beca would ask her to go to LA with her. She wasn't expecting but deep down she was hoping. And even though she was already in the process of moving on and she already has a –long distance- thing going on with Chicago, she knew that had Beca asked her to move to LA, she would in a heartbeat and without a doubt. Because that truth is, she long resigned herself to the fact that she never had the power of saying 'No' to Beca; that between a Yes and a No, it would always be a 'Yes'.

She loves Beca.

She always has and maybe… always will.

She could still remember that day as if it just happened yesterday instead of 4years ago, when Beca announced to her that she would need to move to LA.

 _She got home from the clinic and found the apartment empty, not uncommon, but she found Beca's laptop on top of their bed and when she called out no one replied, so it clued her in then that Beca was probably in the rooftop –their favourite place to hang out. And she wasn't wrong because when she climbed up the rooftop, sure enough the tiny DJ was there, by the bench close to the edge seemingly deep in thoughts._

 _It was not lost on her that ever since they got back from Europe, Beca seems less… relaxed and it confuses her because she had expected Beca to be more at ease –she has a great career ahead of her; but that was not the case. When they got back, sure enough Beca has been busier –what? With her new contract under DJ Khaled, of course she'll be busy- but she notices Beca seems… not happy. She had asked her multiple times too if she has some concerns with her contract and Beca always say- "the contract is great. I can't be happier."_

 _But that's the thing. She doesn't look happy at all. Beca is known for being broody, but she had seen less and less of that broody Beca over the years and for broody Beca to come back especially now that her dream is on its way of coming true… it doesn't sit well with Chloe._

 _So as expected, she calls her on it, "but you don't look happy," she told her._

 _And it wouldn't have been a surprise if the look the brunette gives her is one that screams ready to beg differ, but in one split second, the look that agrees with what she said crosses those of her favourite deep blue; it was gone as quickly, but she saw it. However, before she could say anything, Beca provided her excuse-_

" _I'm just a bit tired and overwhelmed."_

 _And Chloe accepted that. All these are new to Beca; she was the girl that always thought she would be behind the scene, producing music for the artists not the actual artist herself. So, Chloe even with the nagging feeling that there's something more that Beca's not telling her, accepted that maybe, her best friend was indeed just tired._

 _However, looking at the oblivious brunette, her posture in a slouch facing the city skyline of New York as the sun prepare to set itself over the horizon, Chloe this time could not deny that instead of watching the sunset like what they normally would do, Beca this time was facing the sunset seemingly watching but really, for someone who knew the tiny DJ like Chloe does, would know that she was looking not appreciating but just looking very far away._

" _Penny for your thoughts?" she decided to make her presence known. "You look like you're just about ready to drown in whatever it is that is in your head."_

 _Beca turns to her but didn't say anything, instead it was a barely there smile and a pat to the empty space next to her inviting for Chloe to join her. Chloe didn't have to be told twice –or at all- she immediately joined Beca and sat right next to the brunette with no regards for personal space –a classic Chloe Beale move._

 _Quietly they both watch as the sun dips down the horizon painting the sky with mix of red, orange, pink and yellow hue; and soon after the darken sky of New York welcomes the moon whilst scattered stars shines down on them._

 _This sight is one of the reasons why they love being up the rooftop._

 _And Chloe would've been fine just being there with Beca; they didn't have to talk about anything. But it wasn't the case; the rooftop is where they escape when life gets a bit much. This is where they go when they're trying to remember what made them come to New York in the first place. This is where they talk about life, dreams, and frustrations that they're only comfortable sharing with each other._

" _I had a conference call with Theo and Khaled today. They asked if it's possible for me to move to LA so I'm closer to the studio."_

 _And there it was._

 _Beca's voice was just above whisper and yet the words spoken echoed in her ears; those words she had been expecting since they returned from Europe. Those words that confirmed the day she had been dreading has finally arrived._

 _Beca's leaving._

" _It makes sense," she said her voice neutral but she dared not to look at the brunette beside her even though she could see -from peripheral view-Beca nodding._

" _When do you have to go?"_

" _Theo said they have a place ready for me to move in to anytime until I find somewhere else if I didn't like the place and want to move out," Beca answers, voice and tone still just above whisper that if she hadn't been sitting next to Beca, she wouldn't have heard it._

 _ **Theo**_

 _And she couldn't help but feel like she did when Beca kissed Jesse after their ICCA championship; she chose Jesse. And she couldn't help but think that it will only be a matter of time and it will be like Jesse all over again with Theo in the picture, only this time –at least- she wouldn't be there to witness it. And really, she shouldn't be feeling or thinking any of these because she has Chicago._

 _ **But who can say they can control what they feel?**_

 _The view of the city starts to get blurry and she could feel the sting in her eyes and yet she still didn't look away -the view of New York City._

 _Their home and has been since they graduated._

 _It's noisy and it smells and crowded but they made a home in this city. Regardless of its flaws, she learned to love New York all the same. The tall buildings illuminated by lights coming from the other at night; whatever time of the night they come up to the rooftop, the lights are consistent and the city alive –the city that never sleeps._

 _ **When Beca leaves, will it still feel like home?**_

" _When are you leaving?" her voice cracked and tears fell, but as soon as the words were out, as fast as the tears fell from her eyes, she found herself being pulled and enveloped in a tight embrace and Beca's scent surrounding her._

" _I'll visit as often as I can –at least once a month or even more or once a week. And once I'm settled, you can come visit me too. I'll make sure to fly to New York whenever possible and I will make sure I'll always let you know at the soonest; so you can free your schedule too. Because I'll be very piss if I visit and you're not available." says Beca trying to add humour to the situation but as she tightens her arms around her, clinging on to her like she has never done before, begs to differ that anything about the situation is light._

" _Do you promise?" and Chloe will admit that she sounded desperate; desperate for Beca's words to be a promise and a promise that she hopes the tiny brunette will keep._

" _I promise."_

It was promise not kept.

" _And I will be expecting you to come visit whenever you can too!" Beca adds and she nods her head. She knows, even without Beca saying it, that she will be coming to visit in LA whenever she can._

And she tried, but it was hard when Beca's constantly not available when she can.

And Chloe must've closed her eyes unconsciously re-living one of the saddest memories she has, because she felt warm palm gently wiping tears she didn't know escaped her eyes.

"Chlo, are you ok?"

The question and the palm against her cheek brought her back to the present and when she opens her eyes, it wasn't deep blue she sees but a pair of light blue eyes. Once again, a fleeting feeling of disappointment but she chases the feeling away and in its place –guilt.

She nods her head in answer to his question

Here is the guy that loves her and continuously saving her from drowning in loneliness.

She doesn't deserve him.

"Why do you look at me like that?" at the question Chloe frowned. His hand still cups her cheek, his thumb rubbing her skin softly. His tone was light too, but there was an underlying tone of curiosity that could pass as innocent but the twist in her stomach somehow says otherwise.

"Look at you like what?"

Chicago didn't answer straight away and instead just looks at her. This look in Chicago's eyes is not something new. She has seen this before, like he's studying her or trying to figure her out. It's a look of curiosity in plain explanation but somehow, Chloe feels it is also something more. She asked him before, the first few times she caught him looking at her that way early on in their relationship but his answer was always-

"You just look so beautiful."

So she stopped asking.

"You look at me, but… like you expect or… you wish to see someone else."

A small gasp and probably a shock look in Chloe's face. But before she could say or deny anything, Chicago smiles and says-

"I'm kidding. C'mon I'll make breakfast."

And just like that, he left as if he didn't say anything. Chloe however remains still, looking at Chicago's vacated spot.

 _Was he serious? Does he really feel that?_

She was shock by what he said, there was no denying it. But should she really be surprise? She of all people knows that she does own a very expressive set of eyes. She never got away with anything as a child because her parents always know when she's lying. But she had thought… no, she had wished that she was able to mask it.

She couldn't even find it in herself there and then to disagree, and not because she didn't get the chance to, but because if she had, will she be saying the truth or a lie?

She doesn't know how she looks at Chicago or how she looks looking at him and she hopes that he doesn't really feel that way or see her looking at him that way, because she could only imagine how painful that must feel. When she decided to pursue a relationship with him, she intended to give him everything she can, be everything he would want her to be; because deep down she knew, that no matter how much she –may- want it, she doesn't have her whole heart to give.

* * *

After much needed time to recover from Chicago's comment, Chloe finally made out of bed and to the kitchen where –true to his words- Chicago was indeed preparing breakfast.

Chloe didn't make her presence known straight away and instead just stood by the door leaning against the frame watching her boyfriend. He only has his bottom PJs on and his defined muscular body perfectly on display and the fact that he moves pretty well verse with their kitchen –maybe part due to his training in the military- only made him more appealing; and even though he only has limited knowledge when it comes to cooking but the ones he does know how to make he makes deliciously.

And Chloe had to smile because every time Chicago's in charge of the kitchen and insisted on making something, he never breaks something in the process or leave the kitchen in a mess.

 _Not like Beca..._

-o-o-o-

 _Chloe stirs from her otherwise peaceful sleep not by any of the noises outside the building but by the clattering in the kitchen –to be fair their kitchen is only just a few steps away from the bed. Stretching lazily in the double bed she shares with Beca, she slowly opens her eyes, finding her –normally should still be asleep- bed companion, well… out of bed. Frowning, knowing for a fact that Beca took a day off, Chloe was ready to reach for her phone to see if her tiny best friend left her a message when her eyes catches a glance of the familiar brown locks of said best friend._

 _And Chloe's frown only got deeper when she realises what causes all the clattering noise that woke her up. Watching quietly, she can now see that Beca is actually trying to… well… it looks like Beca is trying to cook; which is definitely a surprise, because Beca doesn't cook. She can't cook to save her life._

" _Becs…" she calls out eventually and for two reasons; one, because she just a heard something breaks and second because their apartment smells like something –or probably what supposedly a bacon- is about to be burnt._

 _But Chloe didn't get a response and instead heard a mumbled grunt from the distress looking brunette as she tries to lift the pan off the stove only for the pan to be quickly shove down the sink with a loud thud and a matching "Ow Ow Ow" from Beca._

 _Chloe had to giggle at that and with a shake of her head, decided it's time to get out of bed and help Beca out of her cooking misery._

" _What are you trying to do Becs, burn down the apartment?" she teases as she walks towards her best friend already reaching for Beca's hand before she can put the hurt finger back in her mouth._

" _Chloe, did I wake you?"_

 _Chuckling as she guides Beca's finger under the running water she replies, "It'd be hard not."_

" _I'm sorry," and Beca sounded really regretful that she finds adorable –or maybe because the statement is said with a pout._

" _Don't be, it's fine," she assures her while she still tends to the burnt skin, putting some cream over it –perks of having a small space, everything are at arm's reach. "Why are you awake anyway? Normally you'd sleep through the day until maybe… after 1pm."_

" _Uhm… I was trying to make your favourite heavy breakfast –bacon, egg, toast etc.," Beca answers while watching her finish putting first aid on her finger._

" _Why?" the surprised tone had Beca rolling her eyes at her but it only made Chloe giggle._

 _It has long been an inside joke in the Bella house. Beca was never to cook; because the last time –and first time she tried- she almost burn down the house. So, Beca can be in charge of the cleaning or the washing or any other chores in the Bella house but not cooking._

 _Beca didn't answer straight away and just looks at her finger. Chloe on the other hand was just looking at Beca, watching her examine her finger… or so it would seems because the tinge of pink on the brunette's cheek is something that has nothing to do with her burnt finger._

" _I wanted to treat you to a breakfast in bed," she says with a sigh. "It's your birthday and I wanted to do something special…" she pauses and then probably realising what she said and with the tinge of pink turning red, she added, "or… you know… something I don't normally do."_

 _And just when Chloe thought it would be impossible to fall even harder._

" _Nawww… Becs…" and without giving the brunette chance to escape, she lunges forward and embraces her so tightly –maybe tighter than she really intended to because…._

" _Chlo… can't… breathe…" Beca tries to say while tapping the arms around her._

 _Laughing at finally recognising Beca's plea, Chloe loosen her arms around the brunette, pulling just a little to look at her favourite deep blue. "You don't have to do that."_

 _And maybe Beca didn't notice when she did it, but Chloe sure did -she felt it when Beca wraps her arms around her waist loosely but still enough to hold her._

 _Meeting her eyes, Beca just shrugs and hoping against hope that the heat she could feel in her cheeks is not as visible. But it was visible and clearly on display for Chloe to see. And Chloe not only could see it, but also could feel it against her chest –the hard beating of the tiny brunette's heart._

 _Over the years Chloe now deems herself expert when it comes to Beca's level of comfort when it comes to anything showing feelings or emotions and so, knows that the hard beating of Beca's heart is due to her –for lack of a better word- discomfort._

" _And I appreciate the sentiment, but I would rather wake up on my birthday without our apartment being on fire," she teases hoping it would ease Beca._

 _And she knew it worked as soon as Beca rolls her eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of lips._

" _The one time I actually want to do something nice and this is what I get," Beca deadpans. "I knew there's a reason why I don't bother."_

" _Shut up!" Chloe laughs, slapping her best friend lightly in the arms, before wrapping it against the tiny DJ again, closing what little gap they had. And she had to smile when she felt Beca's arms wrapping tightly around her too._

" _I won't make you breakfast again," she said._

" _OK."_

 _And Beca never did again._

 _But…_

 _Every year since then, on her birthday, she would wake up to a breakfast in bed –courtesy of their favourite café from two blocks away- and a smiling deep blue._

-o-o-o-

Shaking herself out of yet another memory, she rubs her hands on her face and only then realises the tears that must've fallen and she rubs harder, wiping off any lingering tracks of tears.

She shouldn't be doing this. Not to herself and definitely not to Chicago. The man across the room, whom she now realises is looking at her, plates of pancakes in both hands.

"Everything ok?"

Nodding her head, she crosses the room, but instead of sitting on one of the high chair by their kitchen counter, she goes straight to him. Taking both plates from his hand and placing them on the counter top, she then wraps her arms around his waist, her head against his chest and closing her eyes as soon as she feels Chicago's strong arms wrap around her.

She tries to listen to the beat of his heart. Calm and steady. So different from the hard erratic beating of someone else that sometimes she could swear to literally feel it thumping against hers. At the thought, she closes her eyes tightly, willing for the tears –that she could feel behind her eyes- not to fall; and as she does, she tightens her hold against him, pressing her head –and in process her ears- against strong chest.

She tries again, to listen harder and get her breathing in sync to the beating that she hears. But, hers –at that moment- beats similarly to the ones that she used to feel against hers and had been trying not to think about.

Hard and erratic beats.

 _But also, safe and… home._

"Chlo, are you ok?"

Is she ok?

 _OK how?_

Instead of answering with words –that she couldn't trust- she just nods her head.

A lie.

She's not ok.

She had been doing really well –for years- in trying not to go down memory lane. But ever since her catch up with Beca two weeks ago, these memories suddenly became like a leaking damn that had now been broken; the memories flooding her thoughts and more frequent that even in her dreams, it haunts her.

And maybe it would've been a little easier if it were just memories she had to fight off. But no. She isn't privilege enough, because those memories walks hand in hand with feelings she had been doing well trying not to remember.

Or so she thought.

Because for the past two weeks, she had seemed to forget how to not remember –how much had loved Beca.

Or…

How much she still very much loves Beca.

-2 Weeks Ago-

" _How long are you in town for?" She asks when she finally lets go of Beca and they were seated._

" _Just for the day. I fly back this afternoon."_

" _So soon?" she whines and she cringes at the way it sounded. "I feel like I never see you anymore. No. Wait. It's not just feeling, I really don't see you anymore," and there was edge in her tone._

" _I'm sorry."_

 _And she could see in those deep –_ _ **troubled?**_ _\- blue the sincerity in the apology and she immediately felt bad._

" _No. I'm sorry, I didn't it mean it that way," she apologises. "I just… I really really miss you Becs."_

" _I know. Me too," says Beca. "But, your birthday is coming soon. We'll see each other again, then," she adds._

" _Are you sure?" and she couldn't even try to hide the uncertainty in her tone; but she's sure no one can blame her for._

" _I'll be there."_

 _ **Another promise.**_

 _The doubt in those words is something she couldn't help but feel. Beca for the past 4 years is not known for keeping her promises. But she understood or at least tries. Beca's one of most successful new comer artist her first year with DJ Khaled and she only grew from there 3 years later._

 _The tiny DJ is a busy person._

 _But…_

 _If being completely honest, try as she may to reason out Beca's absence with how busy in her career of focus she has been… it sure doesn't hurt any less. However, Chloe still found herself holding Beca to her words; still believes in those deep blue eyes looking straight back at her._

" _Then I don't need anything else for my birthday," she says. "Because you're going to be there."_

 _ **How will I ever stop loving you?**_

 _ **How?**_

 _ **When you don't even have to do anything or much at all and I'd still love you.**_

" _You're all I need."_

-o-o-o-

"Are you sure?" Chicago asks again, pulling himself slightly away from Chloe's arms enough to cup her face in both his palms, guiding her to look at him.

The concern in his eyes tugs on Chloe's heartstrings. She'll never deserve him.

"I'm ok."

And again, Chicago just looks at her, searching her eyes and she tries not to look away; tries to meet his curious blue orbs but whether she succeeded in hiding the turmoil inside her from him or not, she'd never know. Because instead of asking again if she's sure, he instead places a soft quick kiss on her lips and then a lingering one against her forehead.

"I love you," he says and he didn't wait for her to reply. Just like what he did earlier, this time he extracted himself from her arms completely. He then pulls one of the high chair out and motioned for her to take a sit.

She did and not a second later a plate of pancakes is pushed in front of her.

"Eat up!" Chicago said. "Aubrey will be arriving soon, isn't she?"

She nodded.

"Knowing her, she'd expect you to be ready for whatever plans she has for today," his tone light and it was as if nothing unusual happened.

This time she chuckled. "It's funny because it's true."

"Let me know if you need me to pick you up after your dinner with the Bellas or… if you need me to drop you guys off somewhere."

"I will," she smiles.

He smiles back at her before focusing on his food.

Chloe for a moment just watches him.

Chicago is perfect and he deserves more.

She's gonna do better.

She's gonna try harder.

She owes it to him.

* * *

It was not a surprise when Aubrey's the first one to arrive in New York and Chloe is not going to complain. Aubrey is her long-time best friend and one that knows the truth about her unrequited love for Beca. Although for 4 years, she hasn't been very open with Aubrey.

When she got together with Chicago, Aubrey questioned her decision but accepted it when she said she just want to move on. Of course Aubrey warned her and reminded her that it was not fair for Chicago.

-4 Years Ago-

" _What are you doing Chloe?" was the question Aubrey asked immediately when they were left alone after the Bellas all retire to their rooms._

" _What do you mean?" Chloe knows what her friend meant, but the question just slipped out before she could stop it –she wasn't going to answer any differently anyway._

" _You and Chicago?"_

 _Instead of answering, Chloe went to open her room. Beca was nowhere to be found, but she had expected it. DJ Khaled probably booked her in one of the fancier hotel or room. It was disappointing not finding her best friend and roommate in the room, but at the same time she felt a little relieved._

 _She needed the time alone._

" _What about it?" she asked and she heard Aubrey sigh._

" _What are you doing with him? It's not fair to lead him on even if this is just a getaway fling."_

" _It's not getaway fling."_

" _Then what is this? What about Beca?"_

" _What about Beca?" this time she turned to face Aubrey. "There's no Beca and I."_

" _I thought you love her?" Aubrey challenged, looking at her straight in the eyes._

" _I love her. But we both know she doesn't feel the same. And it has been years, Aubrey. How long am I suppose wait for her to_ _ **maybe**_ _feel something for me? It's been years… I need to move on."_

" _And you think diverting your attention to Chicago will help you do that?" Justified question and of course it would be. It's coming from Aubrey after all._

" _Maybe," she whispered._

" _You know this is not fair on Chicago; you shouldn't start something with someone else, if you know your heart belongs to another."_

 _And sometimes, she hates that Aubrey's always the voice of reason._

" _That maybe, but… he's not hard to love; and I already care for him. I'm sure in time, I'll learn to love him. Maybe… maybe, I'll even love him more than I ever loved Beca."_

-o-o-o-

She had hoped.

She was wrong.

She reasoned with Aubrey and made her trust her words that all she needed was time; that in time she'd be able to love Chicago enough to overshadow how wrong her reason was for starting a relationship with him.

And that's why she's very grateful that Aubrey chose to arrive hours earlier than the rest of the Bellas, because then they would have time, just the two of them to catch up; then she'd have time to once again be open and honest to one person –aside form Beca- that she can be comfortable with.

"So Beale, what's up?" Aubrey casually asks. They had been sitting on top of a big boulder in central park overlooking the tall building framed by tall trees surrounding them. "You've been quiet and being very not-Chloe-like."

She had to chuckle at Aubrey's description. But she couldn't think of a better way to describe her too; she had been known to be all bright and sunny personality and now she's just quiet and always looking far away.

"I'm still not in love with Chicago" she admits, getting straight to the point.

Chloe didn't look at Aubrey and instead just continue staring ahead at the tall buildings of New York City, scarring the clear blue sky behind; and she didn't have to turn, she felt it when Aubrey turns to her once her words were out. But her blonde-haired best friend didn't say anything, she just looks at her and then from her peripheral view, she saw when Aubrey nodded her head.

"But I want to be. I love him. I do. But…"

"You want to feel for him what you felt for Beca," Aubrey supplied for her.

"What I _still_ feel for Beca."

When Aubrey didn't say anything, Chloe finally turns to her and meet the familiar emerald eyes and when she did, the tears she didn't realise she has falls; it was then Aubrey envelops her in her arms, hand rubbing her back as uncontrollable sobs escapes her.

"You were right," she says, her voice muffled as she buries her face in crook of Aubrey's neck. "I shouldn't have started anything. But I had hoped. I thought I could. I thought in time I could forget about her and be all about him."

"Chlo…"

"But I still love her," she continues, "how do I stop? I want to stop. I don't want to love her anymore, Aubrey. I don't want to feel this way for her." desperation in her voice is there for anyone to hear.

Helplessly, Aubrey just held Chloe close and tight because she doesn't know what else to do or say for that matter. She knows there would be no words to console her best friend. She knows how she feels and therefore, she chose to say nothing and just let her best friend cry –all the while letting her own tears fall quietly.

They spent quite a while with Aubrey just holding Chloe in her arms even after she has calmed. Chloe comfortably resting her head on Aubrey's shoulder as she watches the clear blue sky darken as the sun goes down. She knows that they should be moving soon to meet with the other Bellas for her pre-birthday dinner. But at the moment, she just wants to remain in the comfort of her best friend's embrace.

Aubrey's the only one that knows. She's the only one that understands.

"I can't tell you what you have to do," says Aubrey in her quiet tone but sure knows that Chloe will be listening. "But, let me tell you what I did."

At this Chloe pulls away so she can turn and look at her blonde-haired best friend. _What she did?_

Aubrey smiles, seeing the little frown that crosses Chloe's face. She hasn't told anyone about this –not even Chloe. Because she's not proud of what she had done. It was the very definition of hypocrisy but if it would help her friend, she'd be more than willing to admit to it. After all, if anyone will understand her reason, it would be Chloe. She knows that regardless, Chloe wouldn't judge.

"I told you before that it wasn't fair on Chicago if you start something with him, knowing your heart belongs to another," she starts with reminding her friend the exact same thing she told her years ago and at this Chloe nodded. "But when I saw you with Chicago and I thought you were finally happy, that you've finally found a way to move on, I thought… maybe, it does work; I thought it would work for me too."

Chloe's frown deepens. _When is Aubrey ever on the same boat? Unless… Stacie?_

"Stacie…" she whispers unknowingly voicing out the name in her head.

And Aubrey smiles. At the sight, Chloe's eyes grew in surprise. She had suspected but never really got any confirmation from her best friend. She thought at that time she was just seeing things and eventually she stopped. Now, she felt a little stupid. Of course she wasn't just seeing things. Stacie had been relentless with her flirting with Aubrey back at Barden and Aubrey, although she usually brushes off the leggy brunette's advances (so to speak), she nevertheless didn't ask her to stop; sometimes Chloe would also see a hint of smile in her long-time friend's lips.

How she thought it was just nothing was beyond her.

"Yes. Stacie," Aubrey confirms. "I liked her from the start. But being Captain and also with her being only just 17 at the time, I didn't really entertain what I was feeling for her then. I categorised it as me being fond of her. I mean, as you know, she acts like she's just one of those girls that… well… she acts like her main interest were just sex and nail polish but really, she's… brilliant. She got the body, she got the beauty and brains. She also has one of the biggest heart almost rivalling yours. So… what's not to love, right?"

Chloe smiles at that; she has never heard Aubrey swoon over talking about someone. And the glint in her eyes was not lost on Aubrey whom rolled hers. She knew that smile in Chloe. But she was thankful when the redhead didn't say anything.

"Anyway, we know how Stacie was or… maybe still is, so… I know I'd never have a chance, especially when she had Bella. But anyway, when I saw you with Chicago and believed you were able to move on, I tried to do the same."

"Jesse…"

Aubrey nodded.

"Yes. Jesse. I didn't plan it or we didn't plan anything. I had to manage one of the accounts in their production and he was nice and… well long story short, when he asked me out, as you know I said yes. But, last week we broke up."

"What?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me? And Why?"

"I'm alright," Aubrey assures seeing the concern in Chloe. She really is alright. What she did was the right thing to do. "I broke up with him because… I know I will never be able to say yes." And this earned another frown from Chloe.

 _Say yes?_

And then the realisation and her eyes grew –once again.

"He proposed," Aubrey confirms. "I can't say yes. Regardless of how much I feel for him –because I did love him and I still do. But… it was not enough for me. And I knew then that if after all these time and I still don't feel enough, then… maybe… I'll never do."

' _Maybe… I'll never do,'_ the phrase echoes in Chloe's head and another batch of tears pools in her eyes.

 _What if I'm the same?_

"Chlo…" Aubrey's hand tilt Chloe head by the chin to face her and meet her eyes. She could see the clogs in Chloe's head through her soulful expressive eyes and therefore wants to make thing clears with the redhead. "Just because I didn't feel enough for Jesse doesn't mean you're the same. Yes. Just like you, I didn't or I don't how to stop feeling _this_ for Stacie but it's quite obvious to me that you love Chicago more than I ever did Jesse. I just told you what I did because… well… it is an option. But I'm not saying you should do the same. Just that, if you think you will never feel enough for him and you know that you will never be able to stop loving Beca as much as you do, then… it is an option. It's only fair for him and also for yourself. BUT! If you believe that you just need more time… if you believe that you're capable of loving Chicago just as much in time, then… just… I don't know… maybe just, give yourself more time."

New set of unwanted tears voluntarily falls from Chloe's cerulean blue as she listens to Aubrey.

 _How much more time will I need? When will I know when to stop or just keep trying?_

And as these questions floats in her head, tears keeps on falling.

"Chlo…" Aubrey's voice soft and her thumb brushing away the tears from her best friend's eyes. "What brought this on?"

Sniffling, Chloe answers-

"I saw Beca 2 weeks ago and you know I haven't seen her for… maybe almost a year and half and just really missed her, and it's justified, right? She's my best friend. We used to live together and then she moved to LA and then we turned from seeing each other almost every week to once every 6 months to once every year and…" shaking her head and wiping her tears off she sighs, "I saw her and I didn't realise how much I really missed her till then. And then… she didn't even do or say anything out of the ordinary just that she assured me she'll be here to celebrate my birthday and… that's it. I told her I don't need anything because she's all I need. I mean. How pathetic did I sound? Right?!" frustrated, she even threw her hands up as if giving up fighting off being pathetic.

"She said she'll be there and I said she's all I need?!" she sighs again. "But you know what's more annoying? It's the fact that it was the truth! She doesn't need to do or say anything; she just need to be herself and be here and that's all I need. After all these years and even after seeing her almost never and I _still_ feel the same! I saw her one day after almost a year and a half of not seeing her and all of a sudden I'm being bombarded with memories!"

Frustrated, wiping more tears off her face she continues, "And not just in my conscious state but also in my dreams! And this morning… this morning, Chicago caught me looking at him but not really seeing him and you know what he said? He said, why I look at him as if I'm expecting or wishing to see someone else…" the last part she said in almost above whisper.

"Oh… Chloe…"

"I know! I know! I'm terrible!" she covers her face with her hands.

"No. You're not," Aubrey assures her. "We can't help who we love."

At this Chloe nods in agreement. Because if she could help how she feels, she would honestly stop feeling _this_ for Beca and pour all her love to Chicago instead.

"So… what are you gonna do?" Aubrey asks.

Once again meeting the comforting emerald eyes, Chloe honestly answers, "I told myself earlier that I will try harder for Chicago; I owe it to him. I'll try and be better and…" taking a deep breath –because she needs it, she says, "tonight, I'll have dinner with you guys –Beca included. Tomorrow, I'll celebrate my birthday with you guys and Chicago and then… I'll say goodbye to Beca," saying the words out loud and Chloe feels her heartstrings being pulled in whatever direction till it feels like breaking her heart.

"I'll say goodbye to Beca," she repeated, tears non-stop from her eyes.

"Completely."


	4. Life in Pink

**_Disclaimer:_ I do not own Pitch Perfect and the song La Vie en Rose**

 **A/N:** Apologies for the delay and all the errors the you may find in this chapter. As always, all the italics are either flashback/memories or inner thoughts of the character.

Also, let me know if this is too much angst for one chapter and I'll try to tone it down a little on the next (hopefully it wont take as long before i finish it).

Anyway, Enjoy!

* * *

 _It was a long day and Beca has had one of the most stressful one. She called Chloe during her break and was grateful that Chloe would be home early from work as well, so when the clock strikes 5pm, Beca was all but fly to get home._

 _She was in the process of fishing her keys in her pocket when she heard it –soft music coming from the inside. She couldn't quite make out what the song was but it sounded familiar. Finally able to get her keys and unlock the door, she was just about ready to announce her arrival but suddenly stopped when she saw Chloe, her back to her and swaying ever so gracefully to the tune of_ _ **La Vie En Rose.**_

 _And Beca doesn't know why, she normally would make her presence known but this time she remained silent. Maybe it was due to exhaustion at work, maybe it was that she didn't want to ruin Chloe's groove, but for the life of her, she will never admit that it was due to being mesmerised by the graceful redhead that is her best friend._

 _And she doesn't know how long she was standing by the door for, but the next thing she knew, Chloe has faced her all smile and shining eyes. The music has stopped, but by the time Chloe is standing right in front of her, it started again (apparently this song is on repeat)._

' _ **Hold me close and hold me fast'**_

 _And Beca still in daze that she can't remember when Chloe took her laptop bag from her, but she realised it when all of a sudden Chloe is taking her by the hand, eyes inviting her to dance with her. Of course, her being Beca shakes her head. She rarely does dancing and when she does, it usually during a party where everyone is required to do so._

' _ **This magic spell you cast'**_

 _But just like what the lyrics just said, with Chloe's smile and mesmerizing eyes, it's like magic is cast and she found herself allowing Chloe to take her in the middle of the room, placing her hands on her shoulders which she voluntarily then wraps around it, whilst the smiling redhead wraps hers on her waist._

' _ **This is la vie en rose'**_

 _And when she places her head on Chloe's shoulder, her nose feathery brushing against Chloe's neck where she inhales Chloe's perfume, try as she may, she secretly agrees with the song –this is life in pink._

' _ **When you kiss me heaven sighs  
And though I close my eyes  
I see la vie en rose'**_

 _Her earlier stress was nothing but just a distant memory now. Being there, in Chloe's arms, Chloe's gentle humming in her ears, she's at peace. She can't even think of any other place where (or a time) she felt this feeling of peaceful bliss –not even when she's making music; and with Chloe swaying in rhythm to the melody, she's left to let Chloe's flow carry her. And maybe it happened, or maybe it didn't, but when she felt lips pressed against her head, she closes her eyes. A content sigh leaving her lips._

 _And she thought nothing could've been better but she was proved wrong when Chloe actually started singing close to her ears, voice soft and angelic-_

' _ **When you press me to your heart  
I'm in a world apart  
A world where roses bloom  
And when you speak  
Angels sing from above  
Everyday words seems  
To turn into love songs'**_

 _Yes._

 _She's definitely wrong in assuming nothing could be better._

 _Because, Chloe singing to her, with words that describes what she feels being in Chloe's arms and her scent surrounding her senses, this… this feels like a dream; a completely world apart, but a world that she wouldn't mind living in._

* * *

' _Give your heart and soul to me  
And life will always be la vie en rose'_

"Beca…"

Jolted, Beca opens her eyes, head turning left and right before landing on a familiar kind brown eyes.

"Beca, we're landing," Emily informs her. "I'd close your laptop, but I'm not sure if you're working on something that has to be saved first or…"

"It's fine Ems," she assures her and is about to close her laptop only to hesitate when she saw what was playing- _La Vie En Rose_.

Immediately, she shuts the lid down, reminded by the dream –a memory; shaking her head, she puts her laptop away and buckles her seatbelt.

After their take off and when it was safe to turn on any electrical device, she had every intention of drowning in her music, deciding to work on a song that she plans on giving Chloe as a birthday present –song is much safer option than any of the gifts she has in her bag-, but for some reason (and she doesn't know or… maybe she does), she ended up searching for a song that she could play for both Chloe and Chicago.

It was a last minute request.

The day before, she received a call from Chicago asking for yet another favour. He requested if she could play a song for when he is down on his knees. He thinks it'll be romantic and that Chloe would appreciate it and he couldn't think of a better person to ask for something anything music related than her - _'Chloe loves your music; anything you produce and sang, she would play it on repeat for weeks on end'_ he said. And try as she may want, she really can't argue with Chicago in that regard. He's definitely not wrong that Chloe would eat up this type of movie-like scene. Chloe's no Jesse when it comes to loving all move-over-the-top gesture, but a love song playing while her perfect boyfriend proposes… even she _Beca Mitchell_ I-don't-like-grand-romantic-gesture had to admit that it was a good idea. And about her music… well… yeah. Chloe loves her music.

And that little request is also the reason why she hid in her studio and why she has had a change of heart about coming to New York for Chloe's birthday even though she promised.

How is she ever going to manage tomorrow's event?

Looking out the window, behind droplets of mist, she could see the skyscrapers of New York City. She loves this City. This where she and Chloe created and shared a home. Now she dreads even stepping out of the plane. She dreads seeing her favourite blue eyes. She dreads seeing the bright smile that makes everything ok… or at least, used to. She dreads the red locks that shines even brighter under the sun. She dreads feeling accomplished realising now that she just found the perfect song for _that_ moment tomorrow.

She closed her eyes shut and tight, a tear falling from each eye. The thumping in her heart hard and kind of painful. Beca shakes her head a little as if refusing to accept the realisation she just had.

 _It can't be._

It's their song.

Ever since that day she found Chloe dancing to it. Ever since that day they both danced to it; and every single day after and they danced and sang that song to each other, they claimed that song as theirs.

 _La Vie En Rose_

It's hers and Chloe's song.

Beca balled her fist tightly, blunt nails digging in the palm of her hands, head still shaking left and right and eyes still close firmly.

 _Is it impossible to catch another flight to… anywhere?!_

And then there's a gentle hand on her shoulder and a soft voice full of concern, "Beca… are you ok?"

Emily.

It was only a moment, when Beca hesitated to lie to Legacy. Sweet sweet Emily will accept whatever answer she'll give her, but at this point, it's pointless to lie. So, when Beca looks up to meet the concern brown eyes, she shakes her head.

* * *

Buzz of people walking or half running with their luggage trying to get to their flights, friendly chit-chats or maybe perhaps business related, all noises drown as Beca stares at the hot coffee in front of her, the froth's design long gone –it was a heart shaped leaf.

Hers and Emily's flight landed 15 minutes ago, but apparently Stacie's will be arriving just 45minutes after theirs and asked Emily (since Beca was unreachable for the past 24hours) if they can wait for her so the three of them can all go together.

Beca had no problem with that, still thinking that in those minute window of time, she maybe, can still convince Emily to let her catch another flight. It doesn't have to be to LA, she could just take another flight as long as she can be anywhere but New York.

"Beca…"

And Beca would've missed it with how soft her name was spoken if it weren't for Emily just right in front of her.

"It's ok if you don't want to answer, but… I need to ask. Why didn't you tell Chloe how you feel?" Emily asks tentatively, "I mean… before Chicago. Why didn't you tell her? You two lived together, you've had plenty of time or opportunities maybe…"

Looking up from her coffee to Emily, Beca gives her a small smile. Legacy hasn't changed despite all the years that passed. Still, oh so innocent. Still sweet.

"I might have had the opportunities to tell her, but I didn't have the confidence; not only did I not know how she feels about me and I could lose my best friend or things can get awkward if she doesn't feel the same, but also, I have nothing to offer Chloe."

"What do you mean you have nothing to offer?!" and she would've laughed at Emily's indignant facial expression if it had been any other time but now. However, regardless, she still couldn't help the little chuckle that escaped her.

"You have your love," Emily offers with all the innocence she possesses.

 _Oh sweet sweet Legacy._

"And I don't gamble, but I'll always bet on Chloe loving you back," she added. "There's actually a running bet going on for years."

"WHAT?!"

Did she hear Emily right?

 _There's a running bet?_

"What I mean is, only a blind person wouldn't see," Emily quickly interrupts whatever follow up questions Beca has at the tip of her tongue, "Chloe loves you too Beca."

"Yes, she does!"

And before she could turn, Beca found her face being squish in Stacie's side boob. Immediately pulling away while both Stacie and Emily laugh, Beca grunts.

"I thought your flight is not arriving 'till…"

Stacie shrugs not letting Beca finish her question. "Flight arrived early," she stated simply. "Sup Ems," she nodded towards the younger Bella with which Emily just nods back and smile.

"So, why are we talking about Chloe loving you?" the long legged brunette bluntly ask while taking a sit on one of the empty chair besides Beca. "Wait! Have you finally found your balls Mitchell and now admitting how much you've been in love with her?!"

And Beca was been ready to answer, but Stacie is apparently not done.

"About effin time!" Stacie excited at the prospect of finally having to stop watching the frustratingly slow burn of what Fat Amy dubbed as ' _Bloe'_ , she didn't notice Emily waving frantically at her to stop her train of thoughts -or more appropriately- sentence. "The pool money has gone embarrassingly high and we've changed our dates too many times, I'm not sure if Cynthia Rose is still up to date."

"What pool money?" Beca interrupts. _Has there really been a running bet?_

"Oh, yeah, us Bellas has had this running bet since Sophomore year that you and Chloe will get together sooner or later," the now super model and single mother answers casually, still ignoring Emily's shaking head (now bowed in defeat and just let the scene unfold). "But man! You two took your time! Talk about slow burn."

And Beca has a lot of questions running in her head, and by right has a right to be completely annoyed, but for the life of her, she couldn't find it in herself to feel irritated and out of all the questions swimming in her now more clouded head, the one that passed her lips is-

"You guys thought, Chloe and I will get together?"

"Yeah." Stacie answered, still very casual and as if stating the obvious.

"I was with Jesse since the end of Freshman year," Beca murmurs but enough for both her Bella sister hear.

"Please," Stacie nonchalantly comments with a wave of her hand. "You and Chloe were acting more of a couple than you and Jesse ever did; minus the kissing and probably the sex, you and Jesse were more like best friends."

Choosing to ignore Stacie's comment, Beca asks,"Who are in on this bet?"

"All of us Bellas," it was Emily that answered; and at Beca's wide –very surprised and questioning- look, the younger woman explains, "I thought you and Chloe were together when I joined the Bellas, and when I found out you guys are not and they informed me about the bet… I… well… I had to put some money on it." She shrugs with a sheepish guilty look that only Emily can get away with in Beca's eyes.

Frowning and curious, Beca asks, "has anyone pulled their money out yet?"

Both Emily and Stacie shakes their head. At this, Beca's eyes went wide again. She doesn't know what to feel. All these years, all these time and Chloe's in a serious relationship now and yet all her Bella sisters still has faith that somehow, eventually, she and Chloe will end up together in the end.

How wrong all of them are.

Now how's she going to break it to these two and if everything goes to plan, Chloe might be getting married soon and to Chicago no less.

"But if you're finally admitting your feelings to Chloe now, then… I think from what I can remember, Bree would be winning the timeline bet, and will still have some winnings on betting on you to be the one to crack first," informs Stacie, unaware of Beca's sudden distant look.

Emily noticed, but said nothing.

Suddenly pulled out from being lost in her thoughts, Beca asks, "Aubrey's in this too?!"

Laughing, Stacie answers, "I told you Mitchell, ALL the Bellas are in this."

"Aubrey betted on me?"

Stacie nods her head.

"She believes that if anything is to happen between you and Chloe that she thinks it will be because you made a move," Stacie further explained.

Looking at Stacie and then to Emily, Beca only shakes her head in disbelief. She always thought the Bellas are crazy, but she didn't expect this from them. She finds it funny surprisingly, but at the same time ironic; these people had been rooting for her and Chloe even before she even realised her feelings for the redhead. But now, she knows something they don't and that is that after all these years, none of them will really be winning anything.

"But, I don't really care if I lose or not," said Stacie, turning serious. "I'm just glad that the charades between you and Chloe will finally be over and that both of you will stop hiding your feelings behind your friendship."

Stacie's tone was soft and almost sounded regretful, but before Beca could comment on it or ask, as if a switch was flick and Stacie's back to her normal self.

"So, what made you decide to man up?"

"She didn't," this time it's Emily, not looking at Stacie but directly at Beca, as if trying to gauge any type of response from the DJ.

"WHAT?! WHY?" And it's embarrassing how Stacie's outburst caught attentions but the super model didn't pay a mind and continues on, "I'm confuse. What's happening?"

Laughing a little without any humour, Beca meets Stacie's and Emily's eyes.

"Too late," she said quietly. "I guess no one will be winning anything," she added shrugging and smiling dejectedly.

"Chicago will propose tomorrow."

* * *

A miracle.

That's what Beca calls the reason why despite what she told Emily and Stacie that they still managed to get her to the hotel where Fat Amy booked all of them in. And it's also a miracle that those two tallest Bellas managed (or maybe it had been by sheer disadvantage fighting them off considering she's only half of their size) to get her down to the restaurant where they are all set to meet with the others.

She could tell that Emily was considering letting her catch another flight after telling them everything she had been keeping for god knows how long; from when she realised her feelings for Chloe down to when Chicago asked her to help him pick the ring and to the phone call she received yesterday. By the end, both were in tears, but surprisingly she wasn't. Maybe she emptied all her tears or maybe it was pride, but whatever it was, she was thankful not to be bawling in front of her friends. Sure she got teary, but considering how painful and heavy it was to re-live the past years after the USO tour and the past two weeks, getting teary was nothing.

" _Chloe might say no. Maybe…" ever hopeful Emily said._

" _Don't," she stops the younger brunette. Hope is good sometimes, but sometimes, it can also be dangerous. Painful even. "I don't want to hope for the impossible, Ems."_

" _She could be right Becs," now it's Stacie. And she appreciates both Stacie and Emily; their concerns and the seemingly undying faith they have for her and Chloe. But, right now, she believes her only lifeline will be to accept and hope that she makes it to after tomorrow._

" _No, Becs, listen," Stacie insists, "Chicago can propose all he wants, but if Chloe says no, then…"_

" _Why and how can you think Chloe will say no?" Beca asks, she didn't want to go down this road where her friends can persuade her to hope, but she humours them anyway. What more can she lose? But she continues on, "Chloe and Chicago have been together for what? 4 years now. They live together so that's to say they're both serious with each other…"_

" _But Chlo loves you Beca," Emily interrupts, frustration evident in her otherwise always kind voice._

" _You both tell me she loves me, but we all know Chloe. If she really does love me the way you guys believes she does, wouldn't she have said something then?" she tried but Beca just can't keep the tone of desperation in her voice, she wants… no, she needs to get her point across to both her friends._

 _And there was pause where in Beca waited for her friends to try and oppose her; to try and tell her otherwise. Give her reason, any reason why it was so. Because, deep inside, at the very back of her mind, there's still a part of her hoping that maybe… just maybe, what they were saying is true. That Chloe loves her too. She wants them to give her something, but… both Stacie and Emily stayed silent. And it was enough of an answer for her; that's when her hope completely disappears, crushed into nothing but pieces of broken dreams._

" _Chloe's very vocal and very affectionate," she continues on just so to prove her point further. "If she has had feelings for me back then, she definitely would've said something… but she didn't." A tear fell and she wiped it immediately. "She may love me, but… it's no different to how she loves all the Bellas."_

"Hello Bellas!"

"CHLOE!"

Blinking back drops that threatens to fall from her eyes and her head out of earlier event, she turns and looks, finding the Bellas gathering around the will-be-birthday celebrant tomorrow. It looks very familiar to how they all gathered up at New York Aquarium 4 years ago, only they aren't wearing their flight attendant Bella uniform now; but watching the Bellas –her family- smiling and giggling, the heavy feeling in her chest lightens just a tad bit, making her not regret coming along after all. Because, seeing her family once again? It's priceless and she just know that anything she does that would get her to see all her Bellas together again, it'll be worth it –broken heart and all.

And Beca doesn't know how long she stayed just standing and looking, but the next thing, she found herself with all the Bellas turned to her, looking at her curiously smiling except one –Chloe. In the middle of the rest of the Bellas, Chloe is looking at her, not smiling but as if waiting. For what? Beca would never have a clue. But there's something in the way Chloe is looking at her that does not sits well with her. Something in her- for lack of a better word- gut tells her there's something wrong. But what does she know, right? So choosing to ignore it, and aware that all Bellas are looking at them, she produced her patented smirk and opens her arms inviting Chloe in them.

There was a second too long of hesitation –which is unusual for Chloe- before the redhead actually crossing the space between them and closes the distance, wrapping her arms around Beca tightly. And it has only been 2 weeks really, but Beca feels like it had been longer since the last time they hugged, and so, she wraps hers around the redhead just as tight. And when Chloe nuzzles her face deeper in her neck, she wraps it even tighter –if possible.

"I'll miss you so much," she hears Chloe murmur against her neck.

Frowning, she asks, " _You'll_ miss me?"

And again, a second too long before Chloe replies, "no. I said… I said I missed you so much."

Unsure but believes the redhead anyway, Beca turns to kiss Chloe's head, "I missed you too," and she normally don't say things like that to anyone, but Chloe will always be her only exception. And normally to anyone, she would've pulled away by now, especially in front of other people, but she's happy where she is right now. She knows, somehow, sooner or later and most probably sooner, she wouldn't let herself hold Chloe the way she's holding her now. It's no problem, really. It looks like two best friends who hasn't seen each other for a while reuniting and sharing a much needed embrace; but the thing is, it's not just a simple hug for Beca. It hasn't been just a simple hug for her every time she wraps Chloe in her arms, every time she lets herself inhale Chloe's scent, every time she closes her eyes and let Chloe's presence embrace her. And maybe, it was never just a simple hug for her in the first place. It just took years for her to realise, that her favourite place on earth is in Chloe's arms. That her home, is where she is at right now.

And therefore, soon, she can't let herself have this privilege of holding Chloe and being held by Chloe; because, every hug, every breath of her scent, everything Chloe… only reminds her of what she could have had. It reminds her of a dream she never knew she had, until she saw it in the arms of another.

"Alright! Break it up you two! I'm starving!" Count on Fat Amy to always break the moment. The boisterous Australian's antics is either a blessing or a curse and at the moment Beca couldn't decide which one it'd be.

Reluctantly pulling away, she smiles at Chloe shaking her head as she motion with her head for them to follow Amy. And although Chloe smiled back, the smile didn't quite reach her eyes and not for the first time that night did she feel that something is off with her favourite redhead. But she didn't say anything, maybe not now. But if this keeps happening, she'll definitely find time to get Chloe alone whether be it against her better judgement.

It doesn't matter if it'll be better for her to continue on keeping her distance from Chloe. Because, as painful as it'll be when the time comes, in the end, she'd always put Chloe first before her. It's always the rule for Beca. Chloe first and then the rest.

So, without a word, Beca moves her head again, indicating for Chloe to follow the rest of the Bellas and thankfully but not surprisingly, when Chloe turns, she didn't actually let go. She reached for Beca's hand and held it as they walk towards their table.

At this Beca couldn't help but smile.

Small gestures like this from Chloe Beale has been her undoing.

Shaking her head in defeat, Beca follows wordlessly.

Silently praying, God help her.

* * *

The dinner was pleasant and full of laughter as the usual for the Bellas. Amy is still holding the forth with all her stories, but this time it's not just about what she had done in Australia but around the world. Legacy is still the eager listener to every stories each Bella has and shared, not one to open up about the success she's been making with her song writing. Ashley and Jessica are still inseparable. It's no surprise really when they announced that they're seeing each other a few months after they got back from USO tour in Europe; even though both admitted to be straight back when they were in Barden, the way they were and are together clearly shows that there is no other that would complement Ashley the way Jessica has and vice versa. It's like they are made for each other from the start. And Beca couldn't be happier for them. Maybe just a little bit jealous with that they have, but very happy for them nonetheless and she could say the same about the rest of the Bellas. Lily is still a mystery. The only difference now is they could hear her talk, and Beca sure it's not only her, but she couldn't decide if she prefers when she couldn't hear a word Lily says. Because, now that they can, they'd rather not. Flo, Beca guesses has had the most change in her. She's not the bitter Latina girl she once was but rather a happy and proud business woman. She's more positive and happy and almost as bouncy-ish as Chloe at times. Oh and Cynthia Rose too. Well, there's not much change for CR except that she cut her hair short again like one she had back in their Senior year. However, she couldn't be more proud of Cynthia Rose. She's part of the Airforce now and apparently one of the best pilot in the force. Now Stacie… well, except for Emily, Stacie is the one that she sees the most having the tall brunette live in LA. Not that they see each other often, but often than the rest of the Bellas –Chloe included but except Emily. And because of that, she couldn't help but notice the fleeting glances that Stacie has been throwing Aubrey every now and then. Stacie is seated in front of her and Aubrey is on Chloe's other side –whom is next to her-, so it was really obvious for her when Stacie's hazel eyes would flicker to their blonde Captain. There's something in the way her long-legged friend looks at Aubrey. And it was no secret to anyone –except Aubrey- that Stacie has had a crush on Aubrey, she had made it pretty clear from the start. But now, years later, Beca would've have thought that the crush would be long forgotten but as it seems and basing on Stacie's short but longing glances, the feeling is very much still present. And not for the first time did she wonder, if it had only been crush or… maybe, it was always something more and… deeper perhaps. And because of that, she feels empathy for Stacie's unrequited feelings, she's on the same boat. Aubrey has been dating Jesse to everyone's surprise but learned to accept. Aubrey and Jesse couldn't be more opposite, but somehow, when Beca saw them together, for some reason, they made sense. Somehow. Sure, for a moment, she thought Aubrey feels the same towards Stacie, but again, what does she know? But Aubrey looks happy, her smile is easy and when she laughs, it was carefree. Long gone was the uptight blonde they once knew and if Jesse had been the cause of that, then Beca think that's the reason why even though filled with longing, Stacie's smiles shows happiness for the blonde.

"So, Beca," pulling her eyes away from Stacie and to Jessica who is seating next to Legacy across from her, she waits expectantly. "You've been quiet. Tell us, what is it like being a big shot music producer?"

Shaking her head, still feeling a little embarrassed, Beca smiles.

"Yeah Beca, tell us. We only hear anything about you through Legacy," Ashley pipes in. "You don't join in on any conversation in our group chat."

"Are we to assume that being a hot shot music producer on top of being sought after artist means no time for her friends? Family?" Cynthia Rose commented, teasing with a hint of something in her words.

All eyes are on her now and Beca could feel her ears getting warm. On her peripheral view, she could see Chloe looking expectantly too and she knew why; out of all of them, Chloe is the most affected by her silence and lack of presence on their Bella gathering every now and then.

But who could blame Chloe?

Beca always find a way or excuse to be somewhere else whenever they plan to meet and she knew Chloe would be attending. The only time she tries to actually make it is when she sure Chloe would not be there. It hurts her, but she has long limited herself to having a once a year Chloe dose. It was hard, but she just couldn't let herself be around the redhead as often as she likes. It hurts way too much just as much as she loves being near her. It's a contradicting feeling that gives her a whiplash with how fast it transition from giving her the best time whenever they are together to hurt when they have to say goodbye and she knows who Chloe is going home to.

"Guys, you know it's not like that," she said guiltily.

"Then why?" and it's Chloe with her tone soft but sad and it pinches Beca's heart.

Unable to stop herself, she turns to the redhead beside her, afraid to meet her eyes but unable to look anywhere. And she should've tried harder to not look, because the sadness in her favourite blue orbs is enough to make her want to apologise for everything and make a promise she knows she wouldn't be able to fulfil.

"Uhm… it's just…" and she had to look down and to her plate, because she just can't lie eye to eye with Chloe, "being a music producer… it's very busy. I mean, sometimes I don't even get to go back to my apartment to sleep," it was the wrong answer and knew it straight away as soon as the words were out. It was the truth though, but it was something she didn't want Chloe to know.

"That's true," Emily confirmed together with Chloe's-

"Beca Mitchell!"

And Beca flinches.

Guiltily, she looks at Chloe again, a grimace and sheepish smile in place.

"She practically lives in the studio," Emily added and Beca shot her a semi-threatening glare. Only semi because, Legacy is Legacy. She's the little sister Beca never had. But immediately, Emily stopped.

"I just didn't want to disappoint anybody," she then reasoned, still looking guiltily at Chloe. "I want to be able to deliver when I say yes to a project."

"I don't think anyone will be disappointed in you Beca," surprisingly, the complement came from Aubrey. They had long since gotten along quite well, but it surprises Beca whenever Aubrey throws her a complement here and there. "You've proven yourself."

This time, the DJ feels not only her ears but her face get warmer. Then and now, she could never take complements well. And maybe, seeing her face red as a tomato is what made Chloe look at her like she would a puppy. And it's a bad comparison, but that's how Chloe is looking at her. And she would normally be against it, but she'd rather have Chloe look at her this way than earlier one that pulls her heartstrings.

"You know what's cute?" the said redhead asked and didn't wait for an answer. "You're this hot shot talent and known worldwide and yet, you still can't handle a simple complement." And to Beca's dismay, the whole table laughs and causing Beca to glare at each and everyone in the table but it did nothing but make the Bellas laugh harder.

Sighing, she crosses her arms in her chest and sulks, whispering "I hate you all." But the little smile told the Bellas otherwise. Despite being the centre of the teasing, it warms her heart, especially when Chloe reaches for her, wrapping her in a side hug.

"You're so cute!" she squealed.

"Badass! Chloe, Badass," Beca countered and again the Bellas all laugh making her pout a little.

Chloe then made the 'awww' sound and kisses her cheek. And that's when Beca's heart skip and she had to force herself to smile to hide the sudden painful pull in her chest. And while the Bellas continued on laughing, two stopped and looks at her knowingly –Stacie and Emily.

"Ok, let's change the question," Stacie said and she couldn't be more grateful for the long-legged brunette. "Beca, what's it like to have your dream come true?" Beca knew Stacie meant well when she asked the question. She knew Stacie didn't know the impact of this particular question has on her. But regardless, at this point, she'd take the teasing over this question.

And as if saved by the bell –or so she thought-, Chloe's phone rings and she misses it immediately when Chloe had to release her from her hold to get her phone.

"Excuse me guys," she said, "Chicago," she informed them and with that she stood and walked away from their table to answer the call in private.

Unconsciously, Beca's eyes followed Chloe's retreating form and watched when she puts her phone against her ear. It was not until, she sees Chloe's smile talking to Chicago, when she averts her eyes away.

Beca would've laughed if it didn't make her look insane. Every time she thinks nothing could be worse than the Bellas teasing her, she got Stacie asking a question she literally cannot answer without lying and just when she thought it was bad, she then has Chicago calling Chloe, reminding her of a dream she'd never get.

Silently she sighs, taking one deep –necessary- breath in hopes to alleviate the heaviness she feels.

And when her eyes returns to the table, she found all the Bellas looking at her all in the same way, like as if they know what she feels. And when her eyes meet Aubrey's green, it confirmed it for her. They **do** know what she feels and to her surprise, she didn't question how. So instead, she turns to Stacie remembering the question-

 _What's it like to have your dream come true?_

She said, "I don't know."

Glancing back to where Chloe can be seen smiling on the phone with Chicago, Beca adds-

"Mine didn't."


End file.
